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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997733">Luffy's Mystery Bird</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeedeeWrites/pseuds/SlimDeedee'>SlimDeedee (DeedeeWrites)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Luffy's Mystery Bird [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:34:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeedeeWrites/pseuds/SlimDeedee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Straw Hat-ya's stupid pet bird is actually Marco The Phoenix, what the actual fuck.</i> -Trafalgar Law</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco/Monkey D. Luffy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Luffy's Mystery Bird [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>543</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Mystery Bird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys, if you follow me, you know I have a couple WIPs in the works. This one in particular, along with the WWW Universe is already written which is the reason I'm posting it. Don't worry, I'm not just throwing a bunch of stuff at you and then leave you hanging. </p><p>I thinks this story is a weird grey mix between the lighthearted and plot-driven 'Freedom and Justice' and the very much reflection-centered, aimless wonder of 'House of the Lost'. I wasn't actively trying to write it. This story is born from my original ramblings when struggling to begin a MaLu story -in hindsight hilarious because now I have three. </p><p>Anyways, enjoy and if you have any warning recommendations, I'm all ears.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Nami, are we ready?" Luffy asks, Sanji tries not to look at Miss Nami too much, wary of another nose bleed, though keeping his eyes off the beauty is almost blasphemy.</p><p>"Just waiting on your order, captain." The navigator assures, standing on Luffy's left.</p><p>"There's a lot I want to tell you, but for now…" The voice carries easily, enveloping the air all across the Sunny Go. "Thank you for going along with my selfish decision two years ago." Sanji scoffs, but a smile pulls at his lips as he smokes away. The day is just perfect to set out, so different to the last time Sanji left Sabaondy.</p><p>"It's not like it was the first time." And if Sanji has anything to say about it, it certainly won't be the last.</p><p>"Yeah, you've always been selfish!" Usopp agrees along, but all around them there are smiling faces and Sanji thinks they're all thinking the same. That it's been so long, it's surreal that they're finally here. Luffy's smile is blinding and Sanji is just waiting for the order to set sail when…</p><p>"But we can't leave yet!" The entire crew balks.</p><p>"What?" Usopp says baffled.</p><p>"Why, Luffy?" Chopper worries, eyeing the marine battle ship heading for them, they appear entertain for the moment but surely their priority is to engage the Straw Hats before they can leave.</p><p>"Luffy, no time for your games!" Miss Nami prompts, clearly concerned and one step above slapping him upside the head. "The marines are right there! We need to go."</p><p>"We're just missing… aha!" The captain lights up, eyes somewhere far off and suddenly, in a blur of blue movement a bird (?) glides onto the deck, landing in the middle of the grassy field. It's huge, the size of a person, and it quickly retracts its massive wingspan. It's certainly a beautiful creature, but perhaps a little underwhelming after riding the huge bird that had brought them aboard. Sanji's sure everybody wants to ask, but Luffy's already giving the order to depart and the marines aren't going to wait forever.</p><p>"Spread the sails!" He commands, and Brook and Zoro easily jump off the mast. The jolly roger is a welcomed sight to Sanji's soul. It feels like coming home. "Set sail!"</p><hr/><p>It's later on, as they're riding the current down to Fishman that the crew can finally relax enough to ask about their mysterious arrival, who's now sitting – perching? – next to Luffy.</p><p>"Oi, Luffy." It's Zoro who starts, eyeing the bird warily. Sanji notes that his hand never strays from his swords. Not necessarily an odd move for an ever vigilant Zoro, but still… it's just a bird. "What's with the bird?"</p><p>"He's a mystery bird." Luffy answers, turning from where he's running his hand down the bird's feathered chest, expertly removing the falling feathers. Clearly, Luffy and the bird have been together awhile.</p><p>"Of course." Nami facepalms.</p><p>Luffy is definitely the only person in history who adopts a giant blue bird and gives only a five-word explanation on why. Sanji's so relieved to see him though, happy and smiling after everything -after Ace, that it almost doesn't bother him. Except it's a giant blue bird and it seems to have a mark on it (For ownership maybe? Did he steal it from somebody?). It's a beautiful animal for sure, with long azure deep blue feathers, and with comically discolored fluff around its eyes, giving the appearance that he's wearing glasses. The mark on his chest is familiar, but the animal doesn't let anybody get close enough to take a good look. (Not that Sanji really cares that much.)</p><p>"We have a pet now?" Ussop interjects, as if tasting the idea. The bird puffs out his chest and cocks his head. Sanji gets the impression that it doesn't think of itself as a pet at all.</p><p>"Yohohoho! Should we name it?" Brook says, leaning down to eye the bird where it stands regally upon the bench around the main mast, it scuttles backwards a little warily –spooked by the skeleton perhaps? Luffy sits next to it and leans comfortably on the animal, one knee bent and the other sandaled feet hanging. The bird towers over him as Luffy shakes his head.</p><p>"Mystery Bird already has a name." He announces.</p><p>"…Luffy-bro, you can't name it Mystery Bird." Franky voices the concern. Luffy stops and eyes them questionably. It always makes Sanji feel stupid, when Luffy of all people looks at him like he's dense.</p><p>"Of course not, that's not his name!" He laughs.</p><p>"Don't act as if you wouldn't name it that!" Sanji scoffs.</p><p>"Well?" Luffy looks at Ussop, confused. "What is it? The name?"</p><p>"I promised not to tell!" Luffy says and everyone around him explodes.</p><p>"Luffy... Who's bird is it?" Zoro says cautiously, still keeping an eye on the animal.</p><p>"Mine." Luffy's eyes are blazing when he says it, as if he thinks any of them will deny it.</p><p>"Then who did you promise not to tell his name to?" Sanji asks confused.</p><p>"Ma–" The bird pecks him hard in the head, and Luffy immediately jumps to his feet in indignation. The bird's sitting down, Luffy standing on the platform, but the animal still needs to lower his head, long neck arching elegantly, to meet Luffy's eyes.</p><p>"That hurt, Ma–" The bird shows lightning quick reflexes as it interrupts Luffy again with another peck to the head, who's now rubbing his head and glaring at it. Fearlessly, he presses his face against the razor sharp beak, pushing back and glaring. The bird leans back, eyeing Luffy, as if trying to figure out if the rubberman is actually hurt and then just... stares. Sanji has never seen a bird with so many expressions, but it almost look righteous in its displeasure.</p><p>"He'll tell you his name later." Luffy finally states, breaking eye contact with the bird and looking oddly as if he's been scolded.</p><p>"Luffy, birds don't speak." Ussop says slowly, as if this is new information for their captain. "Do you want Chopper to translate?" The reindeer comes closer to the bird, and makes a sound. The bird ignores him, preening his feathers and very pointedly not looking at the reindeer. Chopper shrugs.</p><p>"He doesn't seem to want to talk to me." He says dejectedly, Luffy's hand shoots out to pat him on the head, his eyes impossibly soft.</p><p>"Don't worry. Mystery Bird is just sad sometimes." Sanji looks at the bird, still adamantly not looking at any of them and thinks that it doesn't really look sad. It also doesn't react to Luffy's comment in any way, which considering how much complaining he's done since now can be call agreement? Maybe.</p><p>"Mystery Bird will tell you his name eventually because he's a little silly like that. He's Mystery Bird until then." He nods along to his own logic.</p><p>"Mah, I'm surprised you want to keep it instead of eat it." He'd already been thinking of all the dishes you can make; he wonders if the meet is tender like chicken or more dry like duck or maybe something different. The animal squawks indignantly.</p><p>"Sanji," Nami whispers and now he's heart is ready to beat itself out of his chest, "that bird is following the conversation, isn't it?" Sanji needs to draw his eyes away from the goddess to look at the bird again, he thinks about him clearly interrupting Luffy and his complaint when Sanji talked about eating him and nods.</p><p>"Definitely."</p><p>"And that symbol, I'm sure we've seen it before."</p><p>"It does seem familiar." He agrees, and not only because it's the beautiful Nami who says it.</p><p>"I'm sure Mystery Bird is just shy." Robin cuts in, but Sanji can tell from her gorgeous eyes that their resident historian is very much into whatever strange shenanigan is happening. Sanji shrugs. Honestly, if Luffy wants to keep a bird, it's not really Sanji's problem. Soon enough, they have plenty of other things to worry about.</p><hr/><p>When Luffy's going to exit the bubble the bird is not happy about it, it bats its wings as it perches on the railing that the three pirates are supposed to leave through. The sudden agitation of the bird can certainly be dismissed, but Sanji notices something much more bizarre when Luffy stops and actually thinks about going to fight the Kraken. Sanji has never seen that happen without violence or yelling or a combination of both. Luffy places one hand on top of the bird's head, stretching his arm to reach and smiles at it.</p><p>"It'll be okay. I'm strong remember?" He assures. "Take care of Sunny for me." The bird shuffles on it's feet, and seems to let out one melodious, melancholic note before staying still. Luffy grins at it before shooting out of the bubble to confront a kraken. As Sanji glances behind them for a moment, the bird does not leave its post.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hiding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>on we go &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robin's not sure how they actually make it. As they lay flat upon deck, oxygen squeezed out of their lungs, she thinks that -for all her morbid imagination- she never would've thought of dying like this. Circumstances a bit too specific to predict, really. What will do them in? The lack of air? Will their ship fall in between the bubbles? Will the landing obliterate them?</p><p>A cacophony of noise, whispers and yells and cawing surrounds her. Robin feels feathers brush her fingers from where Luffy's bird is struggling against the coating, Robin thinks she catches a flicker of light but she cannot tell from the way her face is pressed on deck. Though the moment does lend credibility to her theory regarding the bird. Then, they make it. Robin conjures giant palms tha catch her, Franky, Nami and the bird and deposit them safely in the middle of the crowded street. Robin doesn't like attracting attention, but she'd like death by high speed collision even less.</p><p>"Thanks for the save, Robin." Nami tells her as the hands deposit her towards the ground. The other woman quickly dusting herself off.</p><p>"That was SUPER!" Franky says, all eyes around on the the cyborg as he does his signature pose. Robin thinks she should be used to having eyes on her, with nakama like hers. The bird is standing next to them and it is not a happy camper at all from what Robin can tell. Already he's looking around warily, almost trying to sink into the ground. <em>Is it people shy, perhaps?</em>"The Sunny?"</p><p>"Luffy was holding on so I'm sure it'll be fine." The navigator looks around, looking through her pouch. "I am going to go shopping."</p><p>"Now, Nami-sis?" Franky asks.</p><p>"Definitely." She answers readily, eyes set in determination. "<em>Before</em> we create a riot and are chased off this island... or worse. Knowing Luffy and the other idiots we'll be lucky to fly under the radar for more than a day. And spread out like this? No chance." The woman's shaking her head. Franky's nodding his head.</p><p>"Yeah, I see what you mean. Then I'll use the time too to meet up with one of Tom's relatives." The cyborg announces. "Robin?"</p><p>"There's a poneglyph around here, I've been meaning to give it a look. We'll regroup later, then." They exchange glances and eye the bird, that is still ignoring them and seems to be taking refuge next to Franky's hulking size.</p><p>"I'll see you later." Nami says, quick to escape having to be burdened by an animal.</p><p>"Robin, are you..." She smiles at the awkward question, and nods.</p><p>"I'll take care of Luffy's bird, he won't be a problem where I'm going."</p><p>"You're the best Robin-sis. We'll rendezvous on the Sunny Go!"</p><p>"Hmm." She agrees and with that the cyborg strolls away.</p><p>Robin turns to the blue bird, who seems to have realized that their clique is splitting up and looks up questioningly. His gaze is accusatory as if conveying some deep displeasure, but as smart and intuitive as Robin considers herself, mind reading is still beyond her grasp. "Come on, Mystery Bird, you can stay with me and we'll find Luffy." He seems to perk up at the name. "He's always drawn to the poneglyphs without fail." A curiosity from her captain that Robin has yet to understand and yet remains true.</p><p>The bird doesn't seem too thrilled at the prospect.</p><p>"Or you can also run around looking for him and risked being recognized. Wasn't this Whitebeard territory once?" The air grows a little colder as the bird freezes up, displeased. Robin hides her expression behind her palm. She's right, then. Robin's never seen a Phoenix before and she'd had her doubts -the lack of fire is kind of telling- but there's no mistaking the symbol on his chest.</p><p>Grudgingly, the bird follows. His gait is a little awkward, not quiet smooth walking but also not quiet fleeting jumps. Something in between that betrays that the Phoenix is meant for flying and not being tied to land.</p><p>There's nothing to say, the pirate clearly has no intention of speaking to her if his less-than-humanoid form is to be is any indication and Robin doesn't think it's any of her business. She's curious, that's for certain, but she's a historian, patience is a core characteristic of the job. Along with the certainty that she will -eventually- have answers.</p><p>When Luffy finds them things are... explosive. The bird - Marco The Phoenix, Robin absent-mindedly reminds herself - is quick to fly to his side and Luffy shows no small amount of happiness as he sees them.</p><p>"Mystery Bird! Robin!" He exclaims his arms wrapping around Marco mid-flight and bringing them both towards the ground. The disguised pirate shows his displeasure as a wing pushes Luffy away but the captain is undeterred. "You were with Robin... I'm glad. You guys need to meet my new friend! Scaredy Cat, these are my nakama. She's Robin, our crew's archeologist and Mystery Bird! Mystery Bird, this is Scaredy Cat."</p><p>Robin's never seen a giant mermaid before but she smiles kindly nonetheless. Luffy has deemed this person a friend, and Robin is very much aware of what that means.</p><p>"Uhm, it's very nice to meet you! Lady Robin, Lord Mystery Bird. I'm Shirahoshi." And of course, Luffy's changed her name.</p><p>"It's very nice to meet you." Robin voices. Marco looks at the mermaid, but doesn't seem willing any further than nodding his head. He looks rather wary, and keeps eyeing Luffy as if trying to convey some complaint. He's promptly ignored. "Where did you two meet?"</p><p>"Oh, well, Lord Luffy was at the palace and..." Luffy's moving before Robin knows that there's danger when an axe comes flying towards the giant mermaid at top speed, in a second her captain twists in the air, kicking it away. Marco caws in displeasure, flying up as if to find the attacker. Shirahoshi flinches and tears up, but is quick to realize she's okay. Luffy turns her full scowl on her.</p><p>"No crying, Scaredy Cat!" He commands, the mermaid looks startle but bites her lip and nods. Her resolve doesn't seem like much but this doesn't discourage Robin's captain in the slightest.</p><p>"I'm taking care of Scaredy Cat so that she can visit her mother's grave." He tells them. Odd, becuase from what Robin has seen there is no graveyard nearby. "Some weirdo keeps throwing things at her to date her. Someone should tell him that's not how that works. If you want people to date you, you need to <em>tell them."</em></p><p>"I see." Robin says, Luffy's nodding along to his own logic like usual, except... that's pretty sound logic, isn't it? Robin looks at her captain in mild surprise. He's always been unusually perceptive and straightforward, but Robin has never heard him refer to romance <em>at all.</em>But then again, it <em>has</em>been two years and Luffy's still fairly young, not even out of his teens. It's no unheard of for him to be a late bloomer when it comes to the more carnal desires, though Robin hasn't exactly given it much thought either. Luffy is Luffy and trying to predict him or label him is often impossible.</p><p>"You should keep an eye on her, too." He tells Marco, reaching out a hand to the beak, the bird stares momentarily, still eyeing Luffy up and down. Robin wonders if he will refuse.</p><p>Instead, he flies up and settles in the giant pin holding Shirahoshi's hair, almost hidden among pink tresses. The mermaid princess goes cross-eyes as she follows the bird's movement. "Don't worry Scaredy Cat, Mystery Bird is crazy strong. He can protect you if I need to fight." Now that Luffy's here. Robin wonders if she should ask about the disguised pirate, but the Sunny Go has started calling on her crew and soon Franky and the rest begin to arrive. When Jinbei bringing dragging grand planning with him, Marco The Phoenix snuggles deeper in his newfound nest and fades into the background.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Flames</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's only when the Straw Hats huddle around their captain, begging for blood, that the bird leaves its post on Shirahoshi's head of hair. Chopper had caught a glimpse of blue feathers as they'd entered the plaza but it had slipped his mind in between all the excitement. As Luffy lays bleeding out on the ground, the mystery bird speaks to Chopper. The voice startles him, as he's been ignoring the reindeer and his attempt at conversation since he'd arrived.</p><p>
  <em>Is he going to be okay, yoi? </em>
</p><p>The voice is deep and masculine, but above all, it's frantic. The bird might <em>look </em>calm, Chopper realizes, but there's an echo of deep pain in the question and the doctor in him is quick to nod and offer assurances. The verbal tick catches him off-guard. No animal he's ever spoken to has had one.</p><p>"He's lost a lot of blood." He answers truthfully. "He needs a blood transfusion, now." The bird teeters towards them and Usopp seems almost about to stop him, but Chopper waves him away. The look in the birds eyes is clinical, that's not the look of an animal.</p><p>
  <em>What blood is he? </em>
</p><p>"F." The bird looks dismayed at the answers.</p><p>
  <em>I can heal him, but it won't recuperate the blood. At much, it'll staunch the bleeding. </em>
</p><p>"I'm a match." Jinbei announces from behind the doctor, and the plaza seems to hold its breath. As he enters the circle, he lays eyes on the blue bird. When it turns around, the fishman's eyes are immediately drawn to the symbol emblazoned on it's chest. His eyes go comically wide. "Marco?" Jinbei exclaims and the bird shakes his head violently at the fishman, he looks towards Chopper. He doesn't actually speak, but Chopper gets the message anyway. Clearly, this bird - if it is even a bird - doesn't want anyone else knowing about him.</p><p>
  <em>Mystery Bird is just sad sometimes.</em>
</p><p>"Jinbei." He interrupts. "Luffy needs that blood now." The fishman immediately complies and the reindeer wastes no time in setting up everything for the transfusion. Luffy is looking paler by the minute, something in his chest squeezes uncomfortably. It's always difficult seeing Luffy like this, pushed beyond his outer limits. It's humbling, knowing his captain's just as human as any other man when he always seems more like... like a King, really. Head and shoulders above everyone else.</p><p>Even laying on the plaza, making history, Jinbei is still looking at the bird -as if he cannot quiet believe his eyes. It's still teetering around the unconscious form of the pirate captain. Chopper sits back as the blood flows and he patches the wound.</p><p>"He's going to be okay now. He just needs rest." The crew seem to melt, boneless after the heart-stopping tension. Princess Shirahoshi cries, her tears the size of Chopper's head.</p><p><em>Are you sure? </em>The bird stresses in high-pitch chirps, it's almost like the sound of bells yet oddly soothing.</p><p>"I've been Luffy's doctor for years. I know you're worried for him, but... the wound isn't bad, he's going to be okay." He could be annoyed by the questioning of his skill, but Chopper can tell the bird - Jinbei had called him Marco - is desperate for the assurance. Suddenly, he shrinks and instead of the size of a man he's more the size of a chicken. He wobbles his way to Luffy's size and drops right next to his head, settling in to wait. His expression is oddly vulnerable for an animal as it looks upon Chopper.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you and... I'm sorry. </em>
</p><p>Chopper is taken a little aback, and now he's sure this is no animal he's talking to. At first he'd thought it might've an unusually intelligent bird, but even for a scarily intelligent creature, for it to be understanding a complex situation so well or predicting possible ramification regarding Chopper's feelings is impossible. Specially considering they barely know each other.</p><p>"Ahhhhh! The bird shrunk!" Ussop yells when he notices, the commotion managing to pull Luffy from slumber. His brows pull down in confusion and maybe there's a glimmer of pain there too. The bird doesn't move too suddenly, but Luffy's eyes barely flicker towards him. It tweets, angrily, demandingly but above all, he sounds <em>scared. </em></p><p>"<em>Hah." </em>Luffy pants weakly, trying to take account of what's happening, he watches the blood travel from Jinbei to him. Looks at Chopper and his nakama around, and an easy grin spreads on his face. The bird bites his ear and Luffy flinches, but he must be used to it, because he barely moves.</p><p>"What do you think you're doing, bird?" It's Zoro's voice, angry and still running high from the battle. Robin places a hand on the swordsman, and they communicate silently for a minute. Whatever Robin conveys is enough because the swordsman lets out a huff and doesn't cut the bird into little pieces.</p><p>"I'm sorry to have made you worry." Luffy tells them, and Chopper doesn't think he's ever apologized for getting injured before -no matter how grievous the wound. "And thank you, Jinbei."</p><p>"You've saved my country, this is the least I can do." Luffy's grin is a balm to those around him, even the prickly bird seems content as he nuzzles agains his face. Suddenly, he jumps on top of Luffy, who huffs a little, but does not complain. Chopper panics a little when the bird settles <em>directly on top of the wound </em>and...</p><p>"Oi!"</p><p>"Don't worry chopper, Mystery Bird is a doctor too, shishi-..." The laughter is broken by the biting of Luffy's lips and the doctor realizes he must be in tremendous pain. Chopper looks again at the bird and is seriously reconsidering letting Zoro take care of it.</p><p>"It's okay, Chopper." Jinbei reassures, and this whole thing is still too crazy for Chopper's heart, but the former warlord clearly knows more about the Mystery Bird than any of them.</p><p><em>Cover me from the plaza, yoi. </em>Chopper relays the instructions to the rest of the Straw Hats, but they take a minute to move. Surprisingly, it's Zoro who complies first.</p><p>"Demanding little chicken, aren't you, huh?" His voice is gruff, but his steps are sure as he stands directly over Luffy and the bird, a wall of pure muscle between the pair and the rest of curious eyes. He turns to the rest of the crew. "What are you waiting for?"</p><p>"Mille Fleur." Robin whispers and suddenly two giant palms rise up, shielding Luffy and the bird further from view. Robin holds her position and says. "Anytime then." The rest of the crew huddle around, at this point curious about the bird-that-is-actually-a-doctor. No one's prepared for the soft flames that erupt, it's like the bird is sitting on top of a campfire. They flicker against some nonexistent wind but they're soft, almost subdue and the most electric blue Chopper has encountered. Luffy let's out a soft sigh of relief, one arm coming to lay on top of the bird.</p><p>"Jinbei." He calls a minute later, looking a lot more lucid, color returning to his skin. The bird tweets happily.</p><p>"Luffy?"</p><p>"You should join my crew."</p><hr/>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed it &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jinbei cannot quiet believe that the Straw Hat Pirates believe former first division commander of the world-renown Whitebeard Pirates, Marco the Phoenix, to be Luffy's pet bird. They call him <em>Mystery Bird. </em>How is that even possible? Jinbei's brain <em>hurts.</em></p><p> </p><p>Now, he's trying to get some answers as Luffy and Marco stand with him a bit far off from the <em>Sunny Go</em>, where the rest of the Straw Hat Pirates are preparing to leave for the New World. He's already promised Luffy to join them soon, and a part of him cannot wait to do so. But before they part, so that Jinbei can tie up his loose ends, he needs to understand what exactly is going on with his old friend.</p><p> </p><p>"Marco..." He begins, addressing the man. Marco remains as an innocuous blue bird, tiny compared to the form Jinbei's used to and looking strangely normal as he rides Luffy's shoulder. He has refused to answer any questions Jinbei has asked him so far, and he isn't cruel enough to out his identity in front of the others after the lengths he's gone to conceal it.</p><p> </p><p>"Leave it, Jinbei. Marco can be silly if he wants to." The younger pirate tells him seriously, before eyeing Marco with puppy dog eyes. "Though I <em>really</em> want him to meet my nakama." Marco ignores him.</p><p> </p><p>"Luffy, you do know he's considered to be lost, right?" Jinbei questions concerned, more to inform Marco than Luffy. The answering voice rings clear.</p><p> </p><p>"Sometimes, he is." The answer draws a sharp intake of breath from the fishman, and even Marco goes still before preening through the hair behind Luffy's ear. It's easy to forget just how perceptive Luffy really is. Jinbei wonders if maybe it is this simple, non-judging mindset that has landed the Phoenix with the younger pirate in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>"People are looking for you." The former Warlord presses, and he doesn't mean to sound harsh but there are a lot of nakama worried for Marco, himself included, and now he's here with Luffy? How did that even happen?</p><p> </p><p>"Now you can tell them he's okay, which is great." Marco stops preening Luffy's hair, tugging a strand. Luffy nods. "And keep where he is a <em>secret, </em>Jinbei. Please?" Luffy looks regal then, puppy dog eyes and all. Jinbei has never seen the Phoenix without its fire, hadn't even thought such a thing possible but the raw power he exudes seems to accentuate Luffy's own.</p><p> </p><p>"I will but, Marco..." And apparently his assurance is all he needs because Marco's gone, gaining size as he approaches the Sunny. Jinbei looks upon his back wearily. Luffy's turned to look back on Marco too, his expression fond. "Luffy, how did you find Marco?" The man pursues his lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, Marco found me, shishishishi."</p><p> </p><p>"I thought you were training with Rayleigh." Luffy nods, and Jinbei absent-mindedly notes the copious amounts of bandages around his chest. He's donated blood to Luffy, in front of the entire island -only a man meant to be King could do it. "Marco had an accident near Rusukaina, fell into the sea. It was close enough that Rayleigh could swim to him."</p><p> </p><p>"An accident?" Jinbei repeats puzzled, trying to wrap his mind around what could possibly put down Marco The Phoenix. Something cold settles in him when Luffy's gaze hardens, he looks deeply unhappy and his eyes seem to swim in turmoil. There's a lot of emotions in that one look, but two Jinbei recognizes in Luffy easily, anger and fear.</p><p> </p><p>"Marco can be really dumb when he wants to be." Jinbei doesn't like the implications of that statement, not one bit. There's nothing soft about <em>this </em>expression and it's enough to keep the fishman from digging any further. As worried as he may be, both pirates are entitled to their secrets, and if Luffy wanted to share, he would have.</p><p> </p><p>"So, he's joined the crew."</p><p> </p><p>"Hmm. No." Luffy denies quickly. "Marco's had his own adventure, you know? He says he doesn't want anymore of that." Luffy's tone is dismissive, as if he doesn't really believe it. Jinbei, who knows intimately of the Whitebeard's pirates story, can definitely see how a man like that can be tired from a life on the sea that has taken everything from him. This understanding makes his presence on the <em>Thousand Sunny</em> all the more intriguing. "Besides, Marco's still stronger than me," he admits reluctantly, "he can join the crew when <em>I</em> can protect <em>him." </em>There's something fearsome in Luffy's eyes there, the same glint that carried him through Impel Down and had allowed him to reach Ace when no one else had.</p><p> </p><p>"You'll have to train even harder than you have."</p><p> </p><p>"Shishishishi! I know!"</p><p> </p><p>"But if Marco isn't joining up with you, why is he travelling in the Sunny?"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Marco is..." Luffy grins at him widens, sporting a happiness that Jinbei wished the captain when he'd seen him wreck a forest in his loss and grief. He's really glad Luffy's back on track to hi... "my boyfriend." Something in Jinbei's brain short-circuits.</p><p> </p><p>"EHHHHHH?"</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been thinking, after WWW and F&amp;J and maybe WoSA are done, I'd just love to write a villain!Deku AU. Any BNHA fans here?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: suicide, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Marco takes off, it's without any particular intention, almost without meaning to. After so many decades it's just a reflex, a <em>need. </em>The final result of his thoughts being too much for his flesh, too heavy for his feet. As he extends his arms, embracing the fall from the cliffside of the latest mountain he's hidden in, they spring into 12 feet of wingspan, burning blue. (He doesn't think about where he's going when there's no place to be.)</p><p>At first, cruising above the clouds is soothing, but not even flight can fill the void of Marco's failure. Nothing can, Marco's tried. (He's tried so hard.) He chases relief high in the air, trying to fly far enough to leave some of the soul-wrenching grief he carries behind. It all comes down to Marco not being enough, cursed to outlive anyone he loves, to always heal a body that carries nothing but a dead heart. It's almost like it forgot it shouldn't beat anymore.</p><p>(Shit, Marco's pathetic.)</p><p>(Everything he's ever cared about is <em>gone,</em> stolen in a single day before his very eyes and anything that might've remained he <em>ruined</em>, in grief and blood thirst. Pops should've never trusted him with his treasure, because all Marco ever did with it was destroy it and spit on his memory.)</p><p>He knows <em>why</em> he starts flying, but he's unsure to determine why he <em>doesn't stop. </em>(Doesn't want to name it or acknowledge it, Marco wouldn't... he <em>wouldn't. </em>He's not like that. There's just...) Day changes into night and suddenly, he'd barely noticed that the Red Line is far behind. It's been days, then, because the winter island had been deep into the New World. Marco's mind is foggy and slow, and by now there's a lot more gliding than flying because his joints ache, his muscle are moving by memory rather than will. At this point just letting the wind carry him, his regeneration pushed past its limits. Thinking is like walking through mud, each thought heavy and murky, but Marco's aware enough to realize that the wind has stopped and now he's definitely gliding, but losing altitude too fast. There's not enough pressure to keep him airborne and… Marco doesn't care. He relishes the despair that grips him, the way his heart pumps him full of adrenaline, maybe he can make a last ditch effort, egged on by his body's survival response.</p><p>(Marco doesn't.)</p><p>It can be the absolute exhaustion, Marko's been awake and in exertion for over a week, but in that moment he understands that <em>he did this</em>. The horizon is looking blurry and the clouds are looking softer than usual, fuzzy in ways that Marco's ever healing body is unaware they could. <em>Blurry vision. </em></p><p>Marco did this. Marco did this.</p><p>(He can't believe it, except it makes so much sense now. So much.)</p><p>The water's very cold when he finally falls in.</p><hr/><p>Marco doesn't mean to become attached to Luffy's crew. They're <em>Luffy's </em>crew, not Marco's. Marco knows where his crew is, in small pods spread across the blues, each more heartbroken than the last and struggling to not blame Marco for everything (even though it is his fault, <em>his). </em></p><p>The Straw Hats are making keeping his distance unnecessarily difficult, which is stupid because to most of them, Marco's just some whim of their captain's, a <em>mystery bird. </em>But Luffy's nakama are just as ridiculous as they're captain and contrary to the former first mate's expectations, they don't ignore him. They've decided to <em>include him </em>and Marco just... doesn't know how to say no.</p><p>It starts with books.</p><p>"Mystery Bird," Chopper calls one morning, having emerged on deck while the rest of the crew remains at breakfast. Marco is perching on one of the tree branches, resting in the shade. "Luffy called you a doctor, and... I know you're not really a bird." He sounds sheepish, almost apologetic, as if knowing Marco's secret despite his wish to the contrary is shameful. "But Robin and I were talking, and there's not much for you to do while you're a bird." The books he's carrying make a lot more sense now. There's three of them. "We, eh, didn't know your taste, but Robin helped me pick them out."</p><p>Marco flies down to meet him, eyeing the books spread out at the base of the tree. A mystery novel, a medical text book and a map book. Marco shrinks a little, enough that his talons can handle the books delicately and he opens the medical text first. Marco had a ton of books back on the <em>Moby Dick.</em> They are most probably still there, forgotten in the anchored <em>Moby</em>. His chest warms regardless, somehow, the books don't bring forth the bitterness of what Marco left behind.</p><p>
  <em>This is... very kind of you. Thank you.</em>
</p><p>The reindeer looks delighted and Marco feels guilty for having ignored him before.</p><p>"Just let me know if you want any more or if you have any requests." He says cheerfully. "And Robin says you're welcomed to the library any time, too!"</p><p>When Sanji soon realizes that Marco and Chopper are communicating, he has the doctor translate a long list of dietary requierements, showing a surprising understanding of a bird's diet. He seems to catch Marco's questioning gaze because he answers.</p><p>"I take care of everybody's needs on this ship." He says smugly, fiercely proud in his work. "That includes mystery birds. As long as I'm here, no one will ever go hungry." The questioning follows that direction. Marco's diet and it's specifics, how much does he eat, what he eats, how often he eats, and his favorite dish. The chef is adamant about it too, and it's all a little overwhelming.</p><p>Days later, Marco catches Ussop planting some freakishly big sunflowers and harvesting their seeds. Marco thinks he cannot be further baffled by this crew, until Nami gets him a little sweater on an early morning.</p><p>"I'm not sure why you're hiding, but I know I've seen that symbol before and that's probably not good. Here." She shows him, it's a pale yellow, made out of soft wool, like the color of the first ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. It brightens Marco's day, despite his best effort to not fall into the gesture. "You were small when I started to sew it." Marco trills, and promptly shrinks. "That's convenient." She smiles and Marco lets her put the sweater on him. It's a little humiliating, but not more than it would've been trying to put it on himself. She eyes him as she lets him go. "Luffy's brother died."She tells him, and its like a bucket of cold water.</p><p>(Marco will never forget Ace and seeing how relaxed he's been the last couple of days, maybe he's started to... How can Marco take the kindness here? How can he just pretend he hasn't killed dozens of his brother? It's enough that he cannot leave Luffy's side, Marco should, Marco <em>should </em>but he jus can't. He tells himself Luffy doesn't want him to go, but the excuse is flimsy and reprehensible. Marco's ashamed enough abut it already. What if Marco ruins this crew as well? He knows he can,<em> he will.</em>)</p><p>"...And I was really surprise by how genuinely happy he seems," she goes on, "Luffy really loved him..." Marco loved him too. "I think you're a big part of that." She's frowning, looking genuinely upset, but then she smiles at him, eyes glassy. "Thank you for that."</p><p>Marco wants to correct her, to tell her it's <em>Marco</em> who leans on her captain, leeching off his will to leave and his capacity for love but he just twitters, unwilling to open such a conversation. (Marco's weak, always so weak for all his power.) The sweater is ridiculously warm. Luffy is absolutely delighted when he catches sight of Marco in his sweater, laughing until there's tears in his eyes and losing no opportunity to nuzzle the other man.</p><p>"You look adorable." Marco wants to deny him but... really, who cares?</p><p>As Luffy runs and laughs and fishes and makes a general nuisance of himself, Marco reads. Or rather, tries to read. He's read as a bird before, specially at night, he'd allow his own flames to light up the pages, but that had been on a table, and having set up beforehand. Reading on deck is a little trickier, specially when Marco remains on a small form to fit into his sweater; he manages through though. Until one day a book holder, all thin, sleek rails, materializes on deck. A perch soon follows, and as the days go by, they multiply along the ship, peppering it with even stranger features and kindness. There's one close to the helm and Luffy's spot by the figurehead, one in the kitchen and one in the library. They're not big, but for Marco's now-preferred form they're perfect.</p><p>(It makes his heart rattle in his chest and Marco has never been so glad that birds cannot muster tears becausse Marco would be hysterical in his shame and his weakness and in how much it means to him that Luffy's crew doesn't ignore, no matter that Marco's trying to convince himself he <em>wants </em>to be ignored and forgotten.)</p><p>(He locks himself up below deck, because Marco <em>can't, </em>he just <em>can't </em>but Luffy eventually comes for him and Marco's never been able to tell him no.)</p><p>When he stays up for Luffy's watch, allowing himself a brief respite from being an animal, his senses on full alert for any movement from the crew, he asks about it. Luffy seems to have barely noticed them.</p><p>"Probably Franky," he tells him, burying his face on Marco's lap, and temptingly reminding him that Marco hasn't been a man for awhile. "Maybe Usopp, they're the only ones in the crew who can build anything." He looks up, cheek warm against Marco's thigh, neck bending an unnatural degree to lay hooded eyes on him. If Marco wasn't familiar with the expression, he would've thought Luffy is sleepy. "Do you like them?" He asks curiously.</p><p>"They're... very helpful." He acquiesces, and he very much understand why Luffy picked them, his crew. (If only he could now decipher why he'd picked Marco himself). He wonders if Luffy will press him to meet his crew, or maybe want to talk about Marco's feelings, now that he's brought it up. Such an idea flies out the window when Luffy's hand sneaks into his shorts while the other squeezes Marco's ass. <em>The finesse of a warhammer this one, </em>Marco thinks fondly, but lets himself go. It's been too long, anyway. After such confusing days, where Marco's been trying to keep troublesome feelings out of his interactions with the straw hats, he needs to not <em>think. </em></p><p>The next day, the first mate makes him regret it.</p><p>Marco's sitting on the perch next to the helm, Luffy's napping in the figure head, when he rolls on his side he's dangerously close to falling overboard -reminding Marco what an absolutely juvenile risk it'd been to get busy in it. The Phoenix is keeping half an eye on him as he idly browses through a horror novel Robin recommended, so far it's pretty good, doing wonders to curve Marco's wandering thoughts -if a little gory for Marco's tastes. Zoro is at the helm, and Marco thinks he's thankful at least one of the Straw Hats is ignoring him when Zoro speaks to him.</p><p>"We're going to have an issue if you ever make Luffy unhappy." Marco raises his head away from his book slowly, as if trying to make sure this conversation is actually happening because is this... shovel talk? How? <em>Why? </em>"The deck is hardly private." Marco wishes for hands just to be able to facepalm, of course it's going to be his dick that get's him on a bind the moment he steals some on the <em>Sunny. </em>How could he let his guard down so much? (Marco should stop being surprised when fucks up though, with how often it happens.) The swordsman seems to relish the Phoenixes embarrassment. "Marco, isn't it?"</p><p>"..." Marco does not want to think how the swordsman learnt his name.</p><p>"I don't care who you are or why you're a bird." Zoro says honestly, and the disinterest -oddly enough- earns him Marco's undivided attention. "Luffy's crazy and if you're dating him or screwing him or whatever you're doing, you're also obviously not right in the head, but if you fuck him up, I'll fuck <em>you</em> up." Marco's so amused he can barely hold himself from shifting and answering. Zoro, though catches on. "And you look <em>adorable </em>in that sweater, Mystery Bird." Marco tweets indignantly, but some measure of cheer rises in his chest, some kind of comradery... and as soon as Marco thinks about it, he freezes, looking at the swordsman. He's still grinning, looking towards the horizon and Marco notices that they're going off course, but he's too worried to think about it much.</p><p>He has the very urgent need to <em>leave. </em></p><p>Zoro never brings it up again and Marco's glad, except that just makes his feeling of appreciation grow. So many people willing to respect his secrets, a crew like this, Marco thought it'd be filled with busybodies. (And it is, except for when something's important). By the time they've left Fishman Island and arrived at Punk Hazard, Marco's plans are starting to unravel too quickly. It makes him nervous.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, the other shoe drops.</p><p>Looking forward to your thoughts and any corrections.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, smut.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Marco wakes up again, he's cold, wet and there's a grinning face smack in the middle of his vision. The first thing he feels is crushing disappointment and a deep, effervescent hatred for himself. (Look at the great Marco The Phoenix, a man who cannot even die right.)</p><p>(Marco realizes what he's thinking, what he's done and tries avoiding the thought of facing anyone who's ever loved him. How can he look them in the eye after this. Shame, familiar, burn inside him. Just one more thing...)</p><p>He hates that he's awake, hates it with all the anger he tries to pretend isn't there.</p><p>Marco didn't plan to kill himself, he <em>didn't</em> but now that he's <em>failed,</em> he knows that that had been the plan all along and now... now Marco's going to have to build his courage for it again. Maybe try a more infallible method? He'll have to get some kairoseki, he doesn't want to <em>drown</em> if he'll be concious for it. (Though maybe Marco deserves it.)</p><p>"Mystery Bird?"</p><p>Is that 'Straw Hat' Luffy in Marco's vision?</p><p>The younger man and Ace share only a passing resemblance, but it punches Marco in the gut anyways.</p><hr/><p>Luffy has never been against the idea, and when Marco prompts, he's willing to give it a try and see what all the fuzz is about. He loves Marco, he knows that like he knows his name. Craves it like he craves being Pirate King. Because, Luffy finds something in Marco the sea has never and will never be able to give him. (He's unsure <em>what,</em> though.)</p><p>And Marco?</p><p>Marco's not fair, he thinks, pushed against the wall of their little cabin, shirtless and dizzy.</p><p>Luffy's never had any of these thoughts before. He's never seen anyone –man or woman- and thought that he <em>wanted </em>them, not like this. Luffy loves people, he loves his nakama, he likes having<em> his people </em>but not like he wants to <em>have Marco.</em> (Selfishly, eternally, he <em>wants all of him.) </em>And now, the burning is everywhere and it takes nothing to spark it, and so little to stoke it and now he sees people and he <em>gets it. </em>Gets Nami's side-swept glances at Zoro's abs or Robin's brief disappearances or Usopp's long letters to Kaya and how he never lets any woman get too close –though he doesn't think Luffy will ever understand Sanji.</p><p>Luffy sees Marco and he thinks about white, about <em>nothing, </em>because it all just <em>fades away </em>and Luffy, he is simple-minded perhaps but he's also never-stopping. Luffy's always on the go, always on the move towards something, towards his dream and Marco… Luffy thinks that if something happens and he doesn't make it, Marco will still be there. Luffy doesn't like Marco because Marco makes Luffy be okay with stopping, with taking things <em>easy. </em>Marco shows Luffy that there's no <em>hurry </em>and it terrifies him. Luffy hates it but he's never fooled himself, he also <em>wants it. </em>Luffy's never hated anything he wants before.</p><p>(But he'd once been tortured because loneliness hurts more than pain and he knows sometimes we need to be brave to take the things we want.)</p><p>Marco shows Luffy all the other reasons one can be strong and flexible and in control, and Luffy just cannot get enough of it and it's like food, but it's different. <em>Luffy needs food, </em>but he doesn't <em>need </em>Marco, nor his roaming hands nor his soft lips nor his breathe in his neck when he wakes up. Luffy just <em>wants it, </em>wants it like he wants freedom and in a way, Marco and all his blinding bliss <em>is freedom.</em> Luffy wants more and more and more.</p><p>Marco said Luffy could tell him if he doesn't like it, he'll stop right away, but Luffy does like it. For the first time, Luffy <em>wants </em>and <em>having someone </em>crystallizes itself in his mind in hands grabbing on with bruising grip and a coiling deep inside his belly, almost as if he <em>needs something </em>but Luffy's not yet sure he knows what. Marco said he'd teach him, and Luffy wants to know now. Wants Marco to show him how to let out what's happening inside him. When long fingers sneak into his shorts, something in him <em>clicks. </em>Because...</p><p>
  <em>"Yes." </em>
</p><p>"You like it, yoi?"</p><p>"Again." He demands, wiggling in the embrace, and Luffy's senses expand to Marco's chest pressed hotly against his back and something hard is pressing against his lower back and everything is just taking shape so quickly. Luffy feels like he's in a fight and puzzle pieces are just coming together and suddenly there's so many possibilities of what he can do, because he's sure that the haze around his mind isn't <em>just</em> him. Marco gives him a squeeze and it feels… good. Luffy moves a little and its still hot but there's, there's almost like a building frustration like… "More."</p><p>Marco leans down and Luffy twists his head as the other's mouth crashes against his own. It feels like he's been set alight. It's strange and teeth clink slightly against the older man's but <em>this is good</em> and Marco slows and Luffy stills wants to <em>go, go, go</em> but there are shivers down his back and maybe this slow thing is not so bad. Marco stands back, and Luffy turns around to chase the movement, opening his eyes and realizing he's had them closed.</p><p>(He's kissed Marco before. Many times. In curiosity and in adoration and when his lover wears an expression Luffy is all too familiar with. He knows that when he kisses Marco, just like when Marco kisses him, all thoughts are swept from his mind, and everything becomes just a little lighter, that much softer. A notion Luffy abuses the more he practices it.)</p><p>Marco pulls out a ring from his breast pocket, he's panting and flushed down his chest and Luffy didn't know he could go so red but his smile's smug and pleased and soft and Luffy just <em>wants so much. </em>He's about to complain about stopping, because he's <em>aching </em>and that's never happened before, but it's clearly Marco's fault and he needs to fix it.</p><p>"It's sea stone, yoi." He tells him and that's great and all, but Luffy <em>doesn't care. </em>"Can I put it on you?" He's backing away slowly, falling back on the bed as Luffy stalks his way like a man on a mission. (He most definitely is because he knows there's a point where the electricity itching under his skin is supposed to <em>go away.) </em>Marco seems aware about Luffy's questionable attention span. "It'll feel better, yoi." He prompts.</p><p><em>That </em>catches Luffy's attention, there's a moment of disbelief when Luffy's quick to don the ring. It's a black band, it can barely be called jewelry and it is a couple sizes too big. Luffy changes it to his thumb, uncomfortable but not necessarily deterred by the sea stone. Marco doesn't give him any time to have second thoughts, he maneuvers Luffy to the bed behind him and his hand soon finds home in between Luffy's legs. His body is firm and warm on Luffy's side and his eyes are frozen on Luffy's face. Marco looks downright predatory, but Luffy cannot really hold a coherent thought when the hand holding on his prick <em>squeezes </em>and<em>… </em></p><p>
  <em>oh. </em>
</p><p>The skin is still hot and clammy and begging, but it doesn't bend or stretch or give, and Marco's rough palm is unforgiving on Luffy's hypersensitive flesh.</p><p>"Marco." He moans, and the sound is wanton and Luffy demands more. He must have missed some shuffling from Marco because suddenly, there is soothing cold on him too. Luffy whimpers, peppering of noises from deep within him he didn't even know he could make. It's all so slick and smooth and it's like being adrift at sea. (Lost and found the both of them.)</p><p>"You sound incredible." Marco whispers, starting to pump him slowly, grip tight upon Luffy's dick and oil dripping into his underwear, making a mess. Luffy can… Luffy can get used to this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I ended adding a bunch of scenes to this story, mostly small falshbacks to Luffy and Marco's time is Rusukaina. It's still only 10 or 11 chapters long and our daily updates remain!</p><p>For those of you who follow my writing , this scene is actually the first scene I wrote for J&amp;F, but this naive introduction did not fit older-brother-Luffy and I actually wrote this entire story around this one scene. It seems a little crazy now, but it's true.</p><p>Additionally, it is the first smut scene I've ever wrote.</p><p>What do you think?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Surprise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts with meaningless affection. Much like Ace had been, Luffy just seems touch-starved and unaware of regular norms of conduct, such as personal space. Marco takes it in stride, if only because there's no one there to judge him, and because he's been alone too long and Marco's never enjoyed time to himself for more than half his life. (The younger pirate is not as rambunctious as the <em>Moby </em>but he comes scarily close.)</p><p>Luffy explains that he'd been on the island with Rayleigh, who had been the one to fish Marco out of the sea, but that the older man wasn't staying in the island full-time anymore. Apparently, whatever training Luffy had been receiving it was done with. Marco's very relieved he won't have to face him. Although the legend's absence speaks for itself -Marco has a feeling the former Roger Pirate has at least an inkling of why he had to rescue the Phoenix out of the sea.</p><p>He finds it strange he'd leave him with Luffy though, and stranger still is that Marco stays.</p><p>(Where would you go?)</p><p>He spends a lot of time looking out to sea, without leaving the island for sea stone, the only option that has a chance of giving Marco what he wants is the sea. Marco wants it to be over; something he can barely even think about in the sanctity of his own mind, briefly or risk making himself dizzy... but he also wants to go softly, and quickly. Maybe it's because he's spent decades avoiding drowning, but Marco's not really looking forward to the experience. Not that he has a lot of time to contemplate his choices, not with the hurricane known as Straw Hat Luffy in the vicinity.</p><p>He's <em>everywhere. </em></p><p>He seems unusually adept at locating Marco, no matter where on the island he is, and particularly determined to accompany him through night after night of insomnia. Marco doesn't have night-terrors, but that's probably because he rarely sleeps. He only closes his eyes when he cannot fight the lethargy invading his limbs anymore and often turns into a bird. Increasingly, he wakes up from his unconsciousness with Luffy clingling to him.</p><p>Marco despises that he starts looking forward to it.</p><p>(What else does he want to ruin?)</p><hr/><p>Straw Hat-ya's death defying grin, signature hat and completely impossible personality are things Law knows, the bird that accompanies him is new. It's a deep dark blue, almost the color of the sea and the size of a chicken. To enhance how non-threatening he looks, it is also wearing a pastel-colored sweater, and Straw Hat-ya doesn't put him down, not even in the face of the possibly-hostile Supernova.</p><p>Law, used to the absurdities of the Grand Line, doesn't spare the bird a glance. He's bemused at the animal's clear disapproval of the younger pirates brazen display of trust but other than that, the bird fades into the background. It's always there in the edges of the situation, but it never jumps in. It changes arms briefly, carried by Nico-ya as Straw Hat-ya starts a brawl with absolutely everyone else on this island, but returns to the younger man's arm unconcerned as they get capture. Later, Law sneaks glances as he keeps close to Luffy's general area of existence as the teen fights Ceasar. As much as Law dislikes the idea of attributing human characteristics to a bird, it does seem like the animal is watching over Straw Hat-ya. What exactly the chicken thinks it can accomplish in the face of danger is questionable, but it's clearly invested in finding out.</p><p>In the end, Law doesn't really see much of the bird at all. When he rides the <em>Sunny, </em>and he sees the bird <em>reading, </em>Law has to ask. For its part, the animal seems vastly uninterested in Law and openly avoids him, whenever Law and Luffy speak, the avian makes a point of resting on the teens's head or arms -Straw Hat-ya seems almost not to notice this, apparently used to flawlessly accommodating a demanding pet. Law <em>really</em> has to ask. He bypasses asking his fellow captain -he knows little about Monkey D. Luffy but its enough to know the man will hardly give him a straight answer. So, on the crack of dawn, when Law's insomnia has been particularly bad and he sees Sanji-ya go into the kitchen, he figures the solace of the early morning is as good a time as any.</p><p>Law's sleepy as he crosses the deck, the first rays of sunshine illuminating the dew-dropped kissed grass (it's disgustingly pretty), but he knows enough about himself to be aware that even if he lays back down there will be no rest. When Sanji catches a glimpse of him -even though he's been here less than a week- the cook immediately sets out to work on making Law some coffee, which is about the nicest thing anyone's done for him in awhile. Law settles down on the table, allowing the other man to work before grilling him about Straw Hat-ya's hyper-intelligent pet bird.</p><p>"Cook-ya." Law calls out, the man's surprise at being address is palpable but he only grunts in acknowledgement. "...What's with the bird?" The blonde lets out out a huff which could be considered a laugh. His hands don't miss a beat from where they're chopping ingredients for breakfast.</p><p>"Mystery Bird." Sanji voices.</p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"That's what we call him, or at least, that's what Luffy introduced him as." The name does display Luffy's ridiculously childish brain function. "I actually don't know what to tell you," he says hoenstly, "he's been with Luffy ever since we reunited." The cook shrugs, but Law can tell he's choosing his words carefully. Clearly, Straw Hat-ya's crew isn't as abysmal at being pirates as their captain and know to be wary of a potential enemy. Law savors the normality of being properly distrusted.</p><p>"Is... he... a person?" Law digs, and Sanji's movement stop briefly, before resuming the rhythmic pattern across the cutting board. The bird <em>has to be,</em> it's more reasonable to suspect a Zoan Devil Fruit at play than a stupidly intelligent bird <em>that can read? </em>Then Law remembers that there's a <em>living skeleton </em>and a <em>reindeer doctor </em>in Straw Hat-ya's crew and that maybe <em>reasonable </em>is too high a bar for them.</p><p>"...I think so." The cook finally states. "But don't take my word for it." Law takes the hint that the conversation has ended. He doesn't feel the need to ask again, whatever the deal with the bird is, it clearly has decided to live its life as a bird and stays firmly out of pirate business. As long as the bird isn't messing up their plans, Law doesn't feel the need to concern himself with it. He does take note of how attached Straw Hat-ya seems to be to it, marking the animal as an obvious weakness.</p><p>Beyond that classification, Law admits to wondering about the bird sometimes, his natural curiosity at play, but mostly, there's so many things happening and so many things to consider that the bird seems insignificant in comparison. Law is so close, so, <em>so </em>close. And it's in Dressrosa that he gets an inkling of just how charismatic Straw Hat-ya can be without any real effort. He doesn't realize how dangerous Straw Hat-ya's power to gather allies is until Law lays dying, and he's suddenly sat upon by a human sized bird that also happens to be <em>on fire,</em> cooling away his aches. Law stares into the dark, intelligent eyes and is almost breathless.</p><p>(The symbol inked into the ethereal feather is impossible not to recognize.)</p><p>Straw Hat-ya's stupid pet bird is actually Marco The Phoenix, what the actual fuck.</p><p>He remembers Straw Hat-ya laughing at him when Law had asked if bringing the bird along was really okay, thinking naively that Straw Hat-ya didn't understand the danger. Unaware of the reality being that his ally has somehow tamed (?) a calamity of a man, often talked about in the whispers of legend. Law's ridiculously annoyed, but then, the pain is lessening and Law starts realizing that he may not bleed out in this battlefied after all and thinks the benefits of an undercover magical medic can be enough to tolerate Straw Hat-ya's antics.</p><p>Things are just a blur afterwards, but one thing is crystal clear in Law's mind: Doflamingo is gone. Strangely enough, soon after they depart the island, so is Luffy's Mystery Bird.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have mixed feelings on this chapter. I know some of you've been expecting Marco to fight, but the truth as Luffy told Jinbei Marco has no wish to continue fighting, and Luffy wants him to stay out of it. We'll see how it progresses, but contrary to most of my writing this isn't action/adventure centered. Hope it didn't disappoint though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. To Live</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: mentions of suicide, depression, anxiety. Angst. sad chapter guys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marco realizes Luffy has become a staple in his heart when the other man is animatedly talking to Marco -never pausing and certianly never running out of stories to tell- and Marco kisses him. They're sitting in one of the beaches, where Marco had being eyeing the sea before Luffy plopped down next to him. Marco's decided. He's leaving in the search of sea-stone and it's definitely the believe that he won't have to face the consequences of his actions that spurrs him on. (Maybe one more mistake is all he needs.)</p><p>Except that Luffy kisses him back... or he tries to? It's... weird.</p><p>"This is weird." The other man informs him as he leans away from Marco, seemingly unaffected and unsurprised. He's laughing. Marco's connection between his brain and mouth seems to be restarting itself and it takes him several minutes to answer.</p><p>"What is, yoi?"</p><p>"I just... don't get it, you know?" It shouldn't bother Marco as much as it does, it's not that he thought that Luffy had feelings for him or anything, though sometimes it can be interpreted as such. Marco just thinks that Luffy, made of sunshine and courage and happiness and love just has this effect on <em>everyone </em>he meets. His treatment of Marco isn't anything special, and why would it be?</p><p>"Kissing?"</p><p>"I know it's supposed to be done with someone you love in a special way." Luffy tells him, and Marco briefly wonders if it's Ace he's quoting. "But I've never really known <em>why, </em>you know?"</p><p>"..." Marco's not sure either now that he thinks about it. <em>Why do we kiss people? </em>It's hot for one. It's foreplay for sex? To feel connected? Because when Luffy looks at Marco like that and chases away his demons Marco just... cannot help himself? In the end, all he says is "it feels good, and you want to do it with someone... someone you love."</p><p>Marco does. Marco loves Luffy like he loves early mornings and quiet nights, the way he used to loved scandalous dinners and all-nighters filled with music. He loves him in the way wild things are meant to be loved, with both palms wide open in hope of grasping the wind, and with a deep understanding that you can never quiet own a force of nature, sunlight can never be truly yours, <em>only yours. </em></p><p>"I love you too, shishishishi!" Marco smiles wryly, and his heart twitches at Luffy's smile.</p><p>"I don't think it's the same way."</p><p>"Huh?" He cocks his head to the side, a gesture so innocent it makes Marco tense up, ready to bolt in the other direction. This was wrong. What is Marco <em>doing? </em>His lap is suddenly filled with the Straw Hat's captain, who's frowning up at Marco. His eyes are blazing and for a moment Marco genuinely considers that Luffy's caught on to just how awful a human being Marco's being to him. Starting something he knows he cannot finish. (Hell, is Luffy even into guys? There's a lot of thoughts that Marco should've had <em>before </em>he kissed him but...) "It's supposed to feel good?" He says aloud, but it seems rhetorical. "With someone special." He states, as if checking it off a list. His smile returns as he nods decisively. His hands grab on to the sides of Marco's head, as if to keep him still and Luffy stretches, pasting his lips firmly against Marco's.</p><p>It's... sloppy, but it brings an unsolicited smile to Marco's lips anyways. Luffy's nothing but determined and he's quick to mimic Marco's guiding movement, deliberately slow. It takes a minute and Maroc panics internally because this is not what kissing should feel like and why is Luffy humoring him like this and what if... but the spark blazes and Luffy's quick to stoke it as he starts figuring out just the <em>why </em>of kissing somone. Marco, who feels like the world is slipping away from, can say a cheesy one-liner about teaching him, but it feels like it's Luffy who's teaching Marco something. The younger man looks puzzled, but not hesitant but Marco reminds himself that Luffy's never kissed anybody else, and doesn't seem like it's been on his mind, but he still wants to try, if only to try for Marco. His body is warm and heavy as Marco wraps around him, and its maddeningly reactive to Marco's touch.</p><p>Luffy sighs and Marco wants to hear every sound Luffy's capable of making.</p><p>(Marco wants to die, he does but maybe, maybe not right this second. Luffy would go on to his adventure in a couple of months, maybe Marco can give himself until then.)</p><hr/><p>What clues Usopp in to the fact that Mystery Bird has left is Luffy's mood. When the Straw Hat Grand Fleet departs after the raucous party, Usopp realizes he's seen no blue bird around for awhile. He doesn't think much of it at first. While it's uncommon to see Luffy without it, Mystery Bird dislikes loud groups of people and has been in a right pickle with all the people around -Usopp thinks he might've gotten used to the bird-friendly <em>Sunny </em>and doesn't appreciate the change either. But then, Luffy emerges to breakfast alone. Even their ally notices the absence, Trafalgar eyes him suspiciously.</p><p>"Straw Hat-ya, where's The P–"</p><p>"Mystery Bird will be back soon." His captain answers smiling, but Usopp thinks it's the first time he sees Luffy smile and think he doesn't <em>mean it. </em>It puts Usopp's teeth on edge.</p><p>"You don't look too pleased about that." Trafalgar prods, and Usopp doesn't miss that the surgeon seems to be aware of some of Mystery Bird's secret.</p><p>"There are some things yelling can't fix, Traffy." Luffy tells him, and it sounds more like he's telling <em>himself. </em>"Mar– Mystery Bird needs to figure it own on his own." His fists are clenched and he's stopped going into the kitchen, as if suddenly lost far away. "He needs to be <em>free.</em>"</p><p>Usopp cannot read the expression in Luffy's face, but apparenly, Trafalgar can.</p><p>"Straw Hat-ya… just what type of freedom is he looking for?" If Usopp hadn't thought something is wrong already he'd know then, because Luffy turns around on his heels and leaves without breakfast.</p><p>The scarred teen hides away the rest of the morning. Now, Usopp is prone to leaving Luffy be Luffy, but there's something in Usopp that doesn't let him leave the issue alone. He's never seen Luffy mope like this, truly cut-off from his friends, and he doesn't like it. He thinks about asking for help. Zoro is definitely a no-no, that man has the emotional depth of a teaspoon. Franky is probably just going to cry. Robin is definitely an option, but Usopp doesn't know how to explain what had happened that morning, Luffy looked... he looked... <em>defeated, </em>as if he's finally found an opponent he can't beat. (Some things yelling can't fix? What does that mean?)</p><p>In the end, Usopp abandons the railing he's been leaning on and decides to be brave. It takes him a minute to find the captain's cabin where Barto has set up Luffy, but Usopp's glad they'll at least have some privacy. He steels himself for a probably nonsensical conversation, trying to prepare for the unexpected. A part of him hopes he's just reading too much into it, but Law had looked somber after Luffy left the kitchen -well, more somber than usual, and that's saying something.</p><p>(Usopp's not prepared at all.)</p><p>When Usopp finds Luffy <em>crying,</em> he realizes he's in over his head, because his captain is over-the-top in everything he does and -to his sharpshooter's knowledge- he's never felt the need to hide any of his feelings from his crew before. The small, muffled sobs are heartbreaking and for a moment, Usopp truly plans on fleeing. His feet have other ideas as they propel him to Luffy's side, his captain is buried in the middle of the bed in Barto's green comforter, looking like a caterpillar of sadness.</p><p>"Luffy?" He says shyly, when he's standing at the edge of the bed. From here, he can take a peek at Luffy's straw hat, fingers showing through where they hold on to it tightly. The bundle stills, and very little catches Luffy by surprise these days, another testament that whatever's happening is serious. Usopp swallows and prepares to call out again.</p><p>"'m fine." His captain croacks, voice thick with feeling. "...Don't worry."</p><p>"I'm already worried." Usopp hesitates about taking a seat but in the end, he does, and Luffy snuck a little to make room, he's still bunched up in the quilt, but he's at least being somewhat welcoming. "...Are you okay?"</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" He tries again, does Luffy even talk about his feelings? His captain has seemed somewhat two-dimensional up until this point, which makes Usopp feel guilty. Luffy's always so straightforward and honest, Usopp always considered him a man of conviction, but not necessarily of <em>depth... </em>and that sounds like a terrible opinion of his captain, Usopp stops trying to justify it in his mind. He'd thought Luffy unable to experience silent suffering, never would've pegged him as the type of person to hide their pain, but here they are. Is it the first time this happens or the first time that Usopp notices?</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Is it about Mystery Bird?" Luffy flinches. <em>Bingo. </em>"Is he okay?" Curiosity about the bird threatens to burn Usopp from whitin and now's hardly the time but... it seems like he's underestimated the bond Luffy shares with it.</p><p>"Usopp..." Luffy rasps out, and he sounds unrecognizable. "Kaya got better, right?" The questions throws the sharpshooter for a loop. He has no idea what relation <em>Kaya</em> -of all people- can have to this conversation, but Luffy's communicating, so Usopp indulges him.</p><p>"She did." He says slowly. "We thought she had a terminal disease, but it turned out it was just Klaha- I mean, Kuro, slowly poisoning her the whole time." <em>That bastard. </em></p><p>"...Did you..." A swallow followed by a shake. Hesitation, another thing Usopp has considered Luffy unable to hold. "Did you ever regret being her friend? Because you thought she was going to die?"</p><p>
  <em>Just what type of freedom is he looking for?</em>
</p><p>"Things don't have to be forever to be worth it." The words feel hollow in his mouth, his conviction weak in the face of Luffy's pain. "Why do you..." the question seems to stick to his mouth, but Usopp pulls through, "what makes you think Mystery Bird is going to...?" He cannot bring hismelf to finish, but he's sure Luffy gets the message.</p><p>"Because he's always looking out to sea like he wants it to take him." <em>Holy crap shit.</em> Luffy admits in a soft voice, it's further muffled by the sheets in between them and Usopp strains to hear, not daring to ask the other to repeat himself. "I thought... that if he came here, he... when... when Ace died..." A pang of sadness hits Usopp, Luffy's brother <em>died, </em>of course he knows suffering. Jeez, Usopp's such an asshole. "I was... Jinbei, he reminded me that I still had precious people left, you guys. It was you guys that helped me keep going forward..." Usopp doesn't feel like that, but vows to make it true now. "I thought it'd be the same for Marco, because just me..." He seems unaware of his slip. "I didn't think he'd <em>leave me." </em></p><p>"Luffy, people cannot live for anyone else." Usopp says gently. "They need to want to live for themselves." Usopp thinks of his lonely mother, and her weaknes to fight her fever. Usopp knows she loved him, and he knows she was sick, he also knows she could've fought harder. Her mother had loved Usopp, but it was life without love she couldn't live.</p><p>"She's your girlfriend, right?" The word sounds odd coming from Luffy, pulling Usopp from his memories. The question is strange, because in the entire time they've been sailing, Luffy has never once inquired about Usopp's relationship with Kaya. Usopp blushes, heat flooding his face.</p><p>"It's, uh, complicated?" (How has this intervention turned on him?!) Luffy makes an unhappy sound, as if upset that Usopp's not giving him a straight answer.</p><p>"But you... love her right?" Luffy emerges from his cocoon finally, and his eyes are red-rimmed and there's snot dripping out of his nose and there's something hard in his eyes and something weak in his shoulders. "In a special way?"</p><p>"Yes." Because regardless of if Usopp's halfway across the world, and even if their life's never even out, that much will always be true. Kaya is someone who inspires Usopp to be brave, the best man he can be, and who'd gotten him through some dark times with her kindness. Usopp shivers at how he would've turned out without her. When there had been no one, Kaya's smile and easy delight were all Usopp had.</p><p>"Even when she's not with you?"</p><p>"Yes." Usopp nods.</p><p>"...Does it go away?" <em>That's a pretty rude question,</em> Usopp thinks reflexively, but then, he starts piecing this conversation. "Luffy, Mystery Bird and you...?" He cannot even finish the sentence because the situation is not adding up right in his mind. He's trying to put the facts together into a coherent conclusion, but his brain keeps going back to error, it's just... not possible, right? <em>Luffy? </em></p><p>"Marco." The teen bursts, and it's like his entire being has been itching to let everything out and it makes sense, Luffy's hardly the type of person to be discreet when he wants or cares about something. Clearly, all this secrecy is for Myste- Marco's sake. Usopp feels like he's learned more about Luffy in this conversation than he has since they met up together. How much of it was acquired during their separation and how much was always there? "His name is Marco." Luffy swallows, and Usopp has to look away from his captain's tears.</p><p><em>Luffy in love...? </em>It makes a little sense. Luffy might've not been <em>inclined</em> to romance, but he's never stated the <em>opposite.</em> It actually fits Luffy to a T, never mentioning anything about himself unless strictly relevant. For example, Ace himself or the story behind his hat. It makes sense for Luffy to not mention romance if its not holding his attention in that moment, he's stupidly good at compartmentalizing apparently or just worrisomely one-track minded. Seeing his behaviour around Mystery Bird -and now knowing the bird is actually a man... well, the affection is definitely easy to see. Still, Usopp never thought he'd see Luffy in love.</p><p>He looks over at Luffy who's tears are dripping down his chin, Usopp hugs him, feeling awkward and inadequate. He has nothing to say, no promises to give. It seems like Usopp's going to meet Luffy's heartbreak soon too. As he holds his captain, who's arms are loosely wrapped around himself, it feels <em>wrong.</em> Usopp does what he does best, and he talks. He just hopes he's not lying, not this time.</p><p>"Luffy... When Kaya was sick, I... use to always tell her all the things we'd do together when she got better. Her sickness was considered terminal, there was no 'getting better' for her, but I promised her anyways." It still chokes him up a little, but he reminds himself that Kaya's okay now, her letter said so. "Sometimes, sometimes we need to believe in people. You've taught me that a dozen times over. I don't know Marco, but I think he cares about you a lot." If the constant hovering is anything to go by... "Let's have faith in him, yes?"</p><p>Luffy looks at him, his face is serious, as if gauging Usopp's worth in the world. A weight slips off his shoulder, Usopp doesn't think it's that easy, Luffy's smile is wide and wobbly.</p><p>"Hmn." He nods.</p><p>Usopp doesn't know if in the long run he's setting up Luffy for more pain, bringing him hope instead of preparing him for a plausible reality but... Marco has never left Luffy out of his sight. He's always after him one way or another, and for a moment there, no one had been warier of Trafalgar than the bird. Chopper told him Mystery Bird only talked to him at first because of Luffy... (Usopp doesn't think he's lying.) If there's anyone who can bring someone out of the darkness, it's Luffy.</p><p>Usopp really hopes so at least.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well? I don't know how I feel, this story has been real far from my comfort zone. haha. Thanks for all the love in the last chapter &lt;3 I've officially added 3 chapters to this story, so instead of 10, it's 13.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Spiral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: angst, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. this chapter's really heavy, guys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The worst part is not that Marco wants to die.</p><p>The worst part is that Marco wants to <em>live. </em>Marco wants to live more than anything and it feels like <em>he can't. </em>He's brave, he's always considered himself so, since long before he set out to sea or became the first mate to the strongest man in the world. Before he tattooed his fathers brand on his chest, and before he guided his siblings into battle, through loss and betrayal and regret. Marco knows he was the foundation of Pop's dreams, the first son; and he took that responsibility extremely seriously. His whole life had been about the <em>Moby Dick </em>and the people in it… and Marco destroyed it with his own hands. </p><p>(He's long realized what's happening to him has nothing to do with bravery anyway.)</p><p>He'd been too weak to keep Ace from dying.</p><p>Too obedient to disobey Pops.</p><p>Too enraged to win against Teach.</p><p>Too weak to save what'd remained of his family.</p><p>He'd heard once that old dogs go as far away from home as they can when they know they are going to die. Luffy had certainly made the <em>Sunny </em>Marco's home -however briefly- if it is the <em>Moby </em>who'll witness the last of him. A shiver goes through him as he lands on the ruined deck in a movement so familiar and nostalgic it almost breaks Marco apart right there and then. It leaves him hollow, almost as weightless as he feels when in flight, but his feet are decidedly grounded.</p><p>(He feels numb, Luffy's still burned on his lips, but the fire gone cold now that there are days in-between them.)</p><p>When Marco realizes that the battle was lost, that Teach was going to trample over everything Marco holds dear <em>again </em>–Marco understands Pops' decision to stay. But Marco cannot sink with the ship. He cannot be the last to perish. Marco simply <em>remains, </em>when everything else dies, when everything else <em>leaves. </em>He's a remnant of an era, a snapshot for a history book, forever frozen and unable to move forward. Un-aging and unchanging, and forever too foolish to protect what he loves the most.</p><p>The <em>Moby </em>shows the deep scars of battle, as Marco walks its perimeter. It is wrecked, had to be dragged to this island by the combined efforts and sheer stubbornness of survivors that were barely truly alive. Marco had been decided, bullheaded in his denial and his loss, to float the ship to where Pops and Ace are buried. He'd taken Ace's striker, and powered it, pulling it with all his might even though his devil fruit is ill-suited for such a maneuver. Marco's fire is supposed to heal, not <em>burn. </em>(Maybe that has always been the lesson.) Eventually, Namur has to stop him. Marco is dizzy, so it must've been a while, but they've been fighting for days so maybe his sense of time is awry. The fishman breaks it down to him in his characteristic no-nonsense tone, but he looks just as shattered. The <em>Moby</em> is never going to make it. They port in the nearest uninhabited island, and they cut it much too close.</p><p>Here lays moored and forgotten Marco's entire life, never to reunite with Pops.</p><p>(Much like Marco, it will never sail again.)</p><p>The word suicide is still jarring in his mind and Marco would never described himself as someone who <em>attempted</em> suicide. He needs to force himself to acknowledge it though, because Marco certainly <em>has</em> tried, and it would've been much too easy to succeed. Marco still wonders what the odds of him landing near Rusukaina were, and on some good days, he almost thinks it was fated. But, being fated to meet Luffy and his wonders means that Marco was also fated to lose everything first and he just… he just cannot stomach that kind of destiny.</p><p>He sits in front of Pop's chair for a long time. There's so much Marco wishes he could tell him. Pops would've loved Luffy and Luffy would've loved Pops, there's no doubt. Marco would've loved bringing him aboard his home, and show him off to all his siblings. He would've been nervous about Ace's reaction, but he's also learned enough about his lover to know Luffy just cannot be controlled, Ace would have surely known that about his little brother. Marco would've taken Luffy through their territories, showing him the market place in Haruha Island and taken him sledding at Winter Point. Would've added his wanted poster to Whitebeard's faithful wall of allies.</p><p>But none of those things can ever come to be. A sound breaks out in Marco's throat and it's a pitch that shouldn't be allowed to exist, but that Marco knows quite well. It's despair in its purest form, defying the ability of vocal chords. Marco looks up at Pop's chair, where the man who had given Marco <em>everything </em>had spent his days in laughter and family and he falls. He cries. He bawls in a way that he's forgotten in the past couple of weeks with the <em>Sunny </em>and that realization only makes him cry harder, what right does Marco have to shake off his actions? Loving the <em>Sunny </em>and her motley crew is a betrayal that sinks deeply into his bones.</p><p>He opens his mouth, maybe to apologize or to let out the torrent of emotion and regret inside him, because Marco <em>loves, </em>he <em>loves </em>and Marco wants to <em>live. </em>Marco wants to see Luffy become Pirate King but... but he's here instead, in front of an empty chair and there's nothing to say because there's no one to <em>hear, </em>and that's on <em>Marco. </em>(Maybe not all of it, but enough.) So Marco doesn't say anything, because his pain has no words and pretending that someone's listening is too naive for someone like him.</p><p>Eventually, after feeling like there's no more crying he can do, when his face feels gross from his tears and his chest seems to hold much too little air, Marco stands up without looking at Pop's chair because it never stopped breaking him just how <em>empty it is. </em>He passes his bedroom, and watches the books he'd missed. Everything seems faded, like an old photograph –unimpressive. Just as old and meaningless and lacking as Marco himself. He would've never pictured the <em>Moby Dick</em> without noise, without people, without cheer. Yet, he's never felt more like a ghost than as he walks the empty halls of his home.</p><p>He pulls out the ring from his pocket. He'd taken it from Luffy's nightstand before he left, along with a tiny piece of paper that is currently on fire. Marco's gut twists at the sight. Luffy's vivre card burns a lot but… the paper looks very small, much smaller than the last time Marco has seen it. He takes a sojourn through Izou's quarters, because its the most obvious place to begin looking for a gun. There's none, and Marco briefly panics that there might not be leftover firearms on the ship. In the 16th Division's quarters he gets lucky (unlucky?) and he steps out on deck. He thinks about flying up to the crow's nest, it'd been Marco's favorite spot, but the idea requires a level of effort he doesn't think he's able to muster at this point. He sits down on the bow of the ship.</p><p>He feels cold. It's the first big change from the numbness he's been feeling ever since he flew away from the <em>Sunny, </em>and the thought makes him cringe when he thinks of Luffy's tear streaked face. He knows Marco's not coming back to him, even if there stands a flimsy promise neither of them had meant. He'd known and he'd left Marco leave anyway and maybe Marco should be upset about that, but it's his own fault really. It's Marco who cannot bring himself to live for Luffy.</p><p>Marco wants to. He wants to have Sanji's extravagant breakfasts and read on deck as that bratty swordsman naps and Ussop gardens and Nami plucks mandarines. He wants to be woken up by violin cords on the days where Brook has the last watch and to have the opportunity to discuss with Robin and Chopper all the books they've lent him. He wants to thank Franky for the railings.</p><p>Marco wants to kiss Luffy and make him squirm; enjoy knowing he's the only person who will ever see this side of him (not anymore). He wants to wake up to Luffy's clamoring for breakfast and go to sleep feeling a little on the uncomfortable of warm as the other man wraps himself impossibly around Marco. He wants to be there for every victory and every obstacle, because he knows Luffy can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile, but no one should have to. He wants to learn how to fish, because he's never tried it but Luffy loves it. He wants to know if they're going to be okay facing against Kaidou.</p><p>Marco wants so much, but there's too many sleepless nights and too much queasiness at lunch and too many nightmares behind his eyes. Too much paranoia in every nice thing because the <em>Sunny, </em>the Straw Hats, <em>Luffy... </em>they're too good, and Marco knows what happens to things that are <em>too good </em>and he cannot go through that again. (<em>Like making Luffy lose someone else?</em> He squashes the thought because if he thinks what Luffy will feel when Marco dies he's not going to be able to do it, but he <em>has to.)</em></p><p>He fingers the sea stone, allowing the feeling of weakness to slow down his brain, and sits down on deck with the gun nearby. Luffy's never known what the ring is truly meant for. But it's been a constant in their intimate life and Marco feels that using it to put an end it to it is almost betrayal, but what is one more thing to add to a long list of sins? Marco cannot think what Luffy must be feeling, but he's strong and young and someone with conviction and drive... Marco's just old and done for. It was never going to work out anyway, the quicker Luffy stops wasting his time, the better.</p><p>Marco forcibly pulls himself out of his thoughts. The sun's setting, and it's time. He takes Luffy's vivre card and pauses, an eery glow in the encroaching darkness. It's still burning, flaring up nonstop and looking the smallest Marco's ever seen it -just, <em>what is Luffy doing? </em>Maybe... maybe Marco can keep an eye on it? Just until it stops burning, Luffy will pull through, like always and Marco can leave this world without more worry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was hard af to write guys. I hope it hits the feels.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ouroboros</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: mentions of suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luffy catches Marco staring into the ocean and playing with the sea stone ring. Not once nor twice, but often. Often enough for a lively man to notice, and often enough that the pirate captain, a notable big-picture kind of person, starts wondering about it. Usually, Luffy takes the appearance of the ring as a signal for sex, and his drive is like a switch, low in proactiveness but magnificent in the execution. Luffy very rarely demands sex, but he seems to be generally open to having it at any opportunity. Whether this is just his general sex drive or the boredom bred by the limited entertainment to be found on the island they inhabit Marco's not sure -not that he's complaining.</p><p>The ring is a star player in their sex life, though definitely pleasurable for certain activities, Luffy's rubber body has many other applications that Marco absolutely <em>adores</em> and that can melt the younger man into a quivering, shivering mess. The thing that Marco's noted is, the more he attempts different tactics to keep surprising and entertaining his lover, the quicker said lover is to put them to use against Marco himself to devastating effect. Luffy has gotten ridiculously creative, and while he's adventurous to the point of being silly, Marco's always enjoyed a partner who can laugh just as often as moan during sex. So, Luffy sees the ring and thinks "sexy time". (He told Marco this, that's a direct quote.) It makes sense, because to Luffy, what else is it for?</p><p>"Marco." He tells him one day. Luffy's almost never silent, but it does happen, and today his scrutiny has been heavy. "Do you want to leave...? Because you can." Marco realizes, in Luffy's honest and hurting stare, that he knows that Marco's not always there. Or at least that he doesn't always <em>want </em>to be there, which makes sense. Luffy calls him a grump, because Marco sometimes is just annoyed at the world and Luffy is the only person around to blame. (Marco likes to think this is only for the bad, bad days. Usually, he just retreats into himself and wonders at the cold inside his head.) Luffy's looking at him though, puzzled and worried and Marco doesn't buy the open question. It'll be the end of times before Luffy gives up on what he considers his without a fight.</p><p>"I was trying to die the day Rayleigh pulled me out of the sea." Marco regrets saying it as soon as it comes out of his mouth. Hates the way Luffy's eyes widen, and how every single muscle tenses as if ready for a fight. But no one's ever really asked about Marco's pain, and now that someone has opened the doors it comes flooding out of him like a summer storm, impossible to avoid but so <em>wrong. </em>"I started flying from deep into the New World. Once I started, I... couldn't stop. I just kept going and going and going, getting tired and hungry and weaker every time."</p><p>"..."</p><p>Marco swallows and looks away but he wants Luffy to understand, or maybe he wants <em>Luffy </em>to push him over the edge. To dismiss him or criticize him or hell, even yell at him. Any cruel reaction Marco can grab onto to finally leave, and stop pretending that this island is a separate universe to the one he stems from, maybe one where he's a little less sad. He looks at Luffy dead in the eye, and tells him what he should've known before getting involved with Marco, but Marco was too selfish to say. "Luffy, I was hoping to drown."</p><p>He thinks Luffy's going to ask him why but he's underestimated him. The other man doesn't miss a beat, in a blink he's firmly wrapped around Marco, face buried in Marco's tattoo, briefly he feels the scar that adorns his face as he rubs against him. Luffy's grip is almost suffocating, and it's like he thinks Marco's going to vanish into thin air. There's grief nestling in every dip of his body.</p><p>"You can't leave." Luffy states firmly, he shakes his head against Marco's stomach, denial dripping from his words. <em>It's not leaving I want, </em>Marco thinks perhaps for the first time openly, <em>it's death. </em>It's like having admitted out loud has cemented it into his bones.</p><p>"Luffy... my crew, my <em>family.</em>" Marco says hauntingly, raising a hand to his face to try to choke back the tears but his voice comes out thick anyway. Marco knows he's going to cry. "There's nothing left." Luffy stiffens, Marco briefly wonders if he'll demand why <em>he </em>doesn't count but... Luffy's never belong to Marco. Will never belong to Marco. If he did, Marco doesn't even know what he'd do with all of Luffy.</p><p>"There's is <em>always </em>something left!" Luffy yells a lot, and he's most definitely <em>livid</em> at Marco but there's something threaded into his anger, strangling it. Marco recognizes it when Luffy looks up at him, arms still firmly around his waist in a deadlock grip. "There is always something left!" It's heart-wrenching, nauseating fear. Marco always thought, perhaps naively, that he'd be a passing fancy for Luffy -not in any bad way but, realistically, Marco has over twenty year on him and is a broody, bitter man with no taste for adventure after what he's been through.</p><p>He's just assumed in their couple of months together, that they've coincided on this island and Luffy's discovering a whole new side to life and he's always been an affectionate person and Marco's the only person for miles and miles. He's never thought (or dared hoped) that there was something intentional to their whole sojourn. That it had always been about fun and care and heat, and not necessarily any of those things being specific to Marco himself. (He'd only allowed himself to thinking that one time, when Marco kisses him and Luffy answers in that horrible first kiss. Marco thought it might've been about him that day, but it doesn't explain all the other weeks in between.) (Marco miscalculated.)</p><p>"I don't want you to die." He whispers, and it's married to a whimper and a hiccup and Marco feels something eating up at him and prompting his own tears forward. "I don't want you to die, promise me, <em>promise me, </em>Marco...!" His eyes are absolutely terrifying, the scowl on his pronounce and the pupil pulse with power and if Marco were a weaker man he may have bent the knee to such strength of will but Luffy's face is edged in pain if one knows to look for it. It's stupid thing to ask, but Luffy's eyes are red and his tears are clear tracks on his cheeks and... he's crying for <em>Marco. </em>"I don't want you to die..." He sobs, holding on to Marco's shirt as if to keep him there, forcing him into life by his grip alone. Marco's weak, always has been. So he makes a promise he cannot keep.</p><p>When the day for Luffy to leave arrives, he looks desperately at Marco to follow.</p><p>Marco does.</p><p>(He'll get tired of Marco eventually and then, he'll know it's time.)</p><hr/><p>When Nami thinks that they're finally safe out of Big Mom's territory, the <em>Sunny</em>'s deck bursts into flames, <em>blue flames. </em>Brook and Nami are the only ones on deck, and the skeleton quickly descends from the crow's nest to stand on the other side of the blaze. The fire pulses and suddenly a man stands there, blue flames licking his ankles and his shoulders, the flames seem to sink into his pores. When Nami takes a good look at him, the man looks like he's stepped out of a nightmare. Brook moves to engage, but the man's not there anymore. <em>Fast! </em>He's looking around deck with a desperate look in his eyes and Nami's keeping her climate tact in her hand. The other man doesn't look hostile, <em>yet, </em>and Nami notices there are no scorch marks on the <em>Sunny.</em></p><p>"Who the hell are you?" She demands, and its like the man just noticed she's there.</p><p>"Luffy?" He asks, and there's something in his eyes that makes Nami swallow. The man is tall, and blonde and tattooed; and he has the familiarity of someone Nami's seen in wanted posters before, but he looks so very scared. Desperate. "Right, you don't know me." He murmurs almost to himself, something tingles in the back of Nami's head. Could this be...?</p><p>"What do you want with the captain?" Brook's sword is out and cold enough for mist to be rising from the blade. His voice is polite, but it's edged in a threat. The arrival shakes his head. The blonde man reaches into his pant pocket and pulls out something Nami can scarcely identify from the distance between them.</p><p>"It was… burning before." The man says, wonder and relief and confusion, all mixing into the loosening of shoulders and of the tightness around his eyes. The change is so imminent that he almost looks pleasant now. <em>A vivre card…</em>Nami realizes. <em>Luffy's? </em>Anyone with Luffy's vivre card must've been worried the last few days, with the week they've had. Nami can still hear the horrible sound of Luffy trying to rip out his arms in the cell. <em>Thank the stars for Jinbei, </em>Nami's traumatized enough by the mere attempt. Something in the man catches her eye.</p><p>Nami knows that tattoo.</p><p>
  <em>How to say this? Hm, Luffy's bird, right? He's actually a pirate and the reason he's not here anymore is because he's been suicidal this entire time. Also, they're dating.</em>
</p><p>"Mystery Bird!" The man smiles wryly at her, as if amused by her question. Nami can't believe it. "That's Luffy's vivre card, right?" She says it more for Brook's benefit, seeing as the skeleton is still readying for a fight, despite also eyeing the familiar mark. "Are you... friends?" Usopp said they were <em>dating, </em>but Nami would rathe play it safe. It feels strange to call him pet bird now that he's a whole person. Nami has considered this possibility, but Mystery Bird is significantly more intimidating than she'd pictured him to be.</p><p>"Something like that, yoi." He answers, putting the vivre card away where it came from. And where did he even come from? Well, he'd probably flown in which makes sense. "I'm Marco. Luffy's… okay, I take it?" The vivre card indicates as much, but if Myst-Marco has flown across the New World to see Luffy, if he's <em>gone back on his plans... </em>Nami thinks he might be significantly more worried than he looks now.</p><p>"Pretty banged up, but he's fine. He's not up yet." She tells him, still a little wary. She needs to wake Luffy up and figure out who this guy is. "You're... not a bird."</p><p>"Ah, I am sometimes, yoi." He looks ragged and tired, and maybe a little too thin for a man of his stature but he looks mostly at ease on the <em>Sunny. </em>A bang echoes through deck, it's the sound of the Men's Rooms door hitting the wall with tremendous strenght. Nami's about to scold the culprit because the <em>Sunny </em>is banged up enough as it is!</p><p>"Marco!" Luffy bursts on deck and he's got that face he puts on when he's smelled something delicious and Nami wonders if it's breakfast time already, but Luffy bypasses the kitchen entirely and instead shoots for their newcomer instead. He's covered in bandages but single-minded in his intention. For his part, the blonde is unmoved by the solid pounds of muscles that slam into his chest, raising his arms enough to actually catch Nami's excitable captain. Broad and a foot taller, the man makes Luffy look tiny in comparison.</p><p>If seeing Luffy's intact vivre card relaxed him, Luffy's death hold on him now lights him up. Some of the stresslines seem to just <em>melt </em>away. The man smiles, a lazy, satisfied type of smile as a hand comes to wrap around Luffy's back in an oddly tender gesture. The man – Marco – buries a little into the crook of Luffy's neck, between the bandages in his collarbone and Nami watches his entire expression soften. Luffy easily extricates himself from the hold, landing on his feet in front of Marco. His whole body is vibrating with energy.</p><p>"You're back!" Luffy announces, eager and happy and Nami's confused by the sheer <em>relief </em>on his face. At first she'd assumed all of Luffy's worry had been Sanji and then Jinbei, but now she's realizing there'd been something to it -from all the way when they met back up in Zou and Mystery Bird hadn't been there. Her captain sounds ecstatic, as if he's just been told they have a meat all-you-can-eat buffer and Nami can't quiet believe it. It's <em>Luffy </em>and he's always overly affectionate with <em>everyone</em> but there's something in his eyes right now that Nami's never seen before.</p><p>"Your vivre card has been burning for longer than a week, yoi." The man frowns, and his tone is clearly in reprimand. Luffy ignores him in favor to bury his face in his chest, still in awe that the other man is here. "On the way here I thought…" Luffy stretches a hand, places in on Marco's face, covering from his eyebrow down to his cheek. The gesture is ridiculous. Marco doesn't miss a beat though. "You're coming from Big Mom territory… What happened to Wano?"</p><p>Luffy's eyes light up.</p><p>"Sanji got kindapped by his evil family and then we had to get him back and then we had to crash a wedding and then we had to make a cake, and then there was this guy who could read the future and he had this mocha power," Nami is gifted the sight of the man actually choking on the news "and now <em>I </em>can read the future and then we had to run away but there were a lot of ships and well, Jinbei stayed behind but... but he said he'll be back and it was a captain's order! And oh yeah, Jinbei's on my crew now and he was asking about...!" Luffy goes on and on, to the point that the man eventually sits down, looking fondly at the bird railing next to the seat wrapped around the main mast. Through all this, Luffy clinging to him and doesn't seem intent to let him go anytime soon. Marco indulges him without pause or hesitation, as if baptizing himself in all of Luffy's nonsense, as if he's missed been stuffed by ramblings and lacking in personal space.</p><p>
  <em>Dating, huh?</em>
</p><p>Nami and Brook are frozen, watching the scene unfold in hopes to understand what's taking place. A few minutes later, Sanji emerges with the afternoon snacks and tenses up.</p><p>"Luffy!" He calls out. "Who's that guy?"</p><p>"Sanji!" Luffy twists around. "Sanji, you know Mystery Bird, he's not a bird anymore."</p><p>"What?" The other man says puzzled, eyeing his captain sitting on Marco's lap. Oh, Nami's going to enjoy this. "Did he fly here?"</p><p>"I have Luffy's vivre card, yoi," the man drawls, "your last few days have been... upbeat." Sanji snorts.</p><p>"Tell me about it. This idiot has absolutely no survival sense. Doesn't know what's good for him." Sanji complains, and Nami feels a spark of irritation, perhaps not as fully over and done with everything that went down between her captain and her crewmate. She doesn't like him trying to brush it off now, but... Nami touches on her tattoo, she does understand trying to cover how much of a debt hangs over you now. "So, how do you know Luffy?"</p><p>"We... originally met in Marineford." The man admits reluctantly, and the navigator can see how it'd be a rather uncomfortable topic of conversation.</p><p>"Marco saved me from Akainu!" Luffy says, surprisignly solemn. "He's <em>crazy</em> strong."</p><p>"The tattoo!" Sanji says, in his <em>aha</em> moment. "It's Whitebeard's mark isn't it?" Now that Nami thinks about it, Luffy's brother used to have one as well, though she doesn't remember it looking anything like Marco's.</p><p>"It is, yoi." The man seems hesitant, and if Nami didn't know better he seems to hold Luffy a little tighter. "I was the first division commander."</p><p>"HAH?!"</p><p>"Shishishisih!"</p><p>"You were the first mate for Whitebeard?!" Brook says. "That gives me goosebumps! Though I have no skin, skull joke!" Marco looks inordinarily fond and Nami realizes that this man isn't a stranger to the Straw Hats antics.</p><p>"I was." He corroborates. "I met Luffy again after the crew... disbanded... in the island where he'd been training, it was a... coincidence."</p><p>"Does this mean you're joing the crew?" Nami ponders.</p><p>"No." Luffy and Marco both respond with zeal, it startles her a little. Especially by the way, Luffy is still very much comfortable on Marco's lap. Sanji seems to have realized the closeness as well, examining the pair with a closer eye. Nami's not sure she can read Brook's expression correctly.</p><p>"Are you just stopping by then?" Nami notes that Luffy doesn't seem to know the answer to that either, and his whole body stiffens in the silence before Marco's answer. She feels a little bad for putting them through the grill but Usopp's words are echoing inside her. Marco coming only to check if Luffy's okay is a definite possibility.</p><p>
  <em>Nami, you didn't see it, I've never seen Luffy like that. He looked... he looked defeated, Nami. </em>
</p><p>"I'd like to stay... if that's okay."</p><p>Nami must be dreaming.</p><p>Her captain is not kissing someone else in her face.</p><p>No.</p><p>Not. Possible.</p><p>Nope. Na-ah. Not possible.</p><p>She peaks again.</p><p>Yes.</p><p>Definitely.</p><p>The kiss lasts a second, nothing obscene or particularly steamy, but honest and vulnerable in its affection, as if trying to convey too many words at once.</p><p>
  <em>Also, they're dating.</em>
</p><p><em>They fit together well,</em> the thought rises unbidden, but it's true.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We've got three more chapters to go!</p><p>Thanks for all sticking through the last 2 chapters ;)</p><p>I actually sat down to write this chapter today when I usually update. I thought it was written already and only had like, one part of it lol and I was solely motivated by how you so, hope you enjoy it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luffy tells him he loves him when Marco tells him he's leaving.</p><p>Luffy's told Marco he loves him before, but this time there's a steel to his spine and a lock to his jaw and a plead on his lips that tells Marco -or rather screams at him- that whether Luffy knows it or not, this time, it's different. It's harrowing and exhilarating and very unfair all wrapped into one. If Marco didn't know better he'd suspect it'd been plan. The loving confession kept hidden in his hand, a wildcard, a last ditch attempt at keeping Marco rooted to this half-life. It only hardens his resolve. (Luffy deserves better.)</p><p>"I can't stay. This ship, your crew, this adventure that you're on, yoi... I..." How can Marco possibly explain? That it's... "It's too much, Luffy." Too good for him, <em>too much like home used to be, </em>before Marco wrecked it.</p><p>"We'll take it easy!" Luffy yells across the empty deck, Marco wonders if he'll wake up someone. "It'll be okay." He lies. "I promised to show you that there's always something left, <em>I'm serious.</em> If it's too much, we can... we can stop somewhere for awhile." Marco <em>knows</em> he means it, can see it in the uneasy line of his brow and the way that his cheeks puff when Luffy's trying to keep some thoughts into himself.</p><p>He's trying to sound unbothered and reassuring, but Luffy's always been a shitty liar. (Staying still would tarnish him in ways Marco cannot be responsible for, Rusukaina and what they'd shared there had been a fever dream. A series of statistically impossible circumstances that created the necessary environment for the survival of this fling. This love is a frail thing.)</p><p>"What about your dream, yoi?" Marco means to challenge him but his words smolder, like brittle remains of a campfire, the fight's gone out of him long ago. He's never going to convince Luffy, he knows. "What about Wano? And the next friend you make who needs help? Or the next?" Marco's sailed with the Straw Hats for very little time, but he's seen that Luffy's performance at Marineford isn't the exception, but the norm. Luffy is a man who will shape the world, Marco can't stay around and drag him down (He can't.) "You can't give it up for me." <em>And I've given it all up already.</em></p><p>"Marco, you <em>promised." </em>Marco wants to tell him that a promise made under duress doesn't <em>count, </em>but Marco doesn't want to admit just how long he's known this is how it ends, can't bare to shoulder the full responsibility for orchestrating Luffy's broken heart. Luffy's tearing up, anger opening to grief, and Marco cannot bear to look at the withering stare as he turns around, eyes set on the clear, waxing moon.</p><p>(Marco did this.)</p><p>Luffy's hand grabs on to the back of his shirt, the pull is minimum but it begs Marco to stay with a fierceness that makes his knees weak.</p><p>"I love you." Luffy tells him. It's a plea and a promise. "I <em>love you, </em>Marco, <em>please... </em>I... I don't understand okay, I don't know everything you've been through, I can't... I can't understand, but I know there's people out there waiting for you. <em>Jinbei said so</em>. I know the Old Man died and..." He takes a deep breath, swallowing in a rare show of discomfort. "And Ace died too, but you can't, Marco, <em>please." </em>Luffy tears him open, shreds his insides in a way that Marco's deeply familiar with and yet feels entirely brand new. He tries to keep his shoulders from shaking as he loses the fights and cries. There's no use in crying, because there's no fixing Marco nor his mistakes and he just feels like at this point there's no going back.</p><p>"..." An ugly sob escapes him and Luffy's hand tightens on Marco's shirt. Marco needs to move, needs to <em>go. </em>(Because what if Luffy makes him stay? Marco <em>needs to leave, he needs to, this is where it ends, he knows it!)</em></p><p>"...When we were little Ace promised me to not die." Luffy's voice is barely a whisper. Marco's shoulders tense. "He didn't keep his promise either." It would've been kinder to sucker punch him for the way air leaves Marco's lungs. He turns around in a practiced movements and encompasses Luffy in his arms.</p><p>The other man trembles against his chest and Marco's glad, lightheaded that he gets to offer some comfort one last time. When Luffy's shaking eases, he bends down and looks upon glassy, dark eyes. The same eyes that greeted him after Marco's first intentional brush with death, Marco's glad he gets to say goodbye to them. He bends down and captures Luffy's mouth in a kiss, at first Luffy resists, perhaps in a childish display of anger but in a second he gives in.</p><p>(He knows it's the last time. Luffy's promised to live without regrets. They've always been opposites. How can Marco match this man? While Marco's drowning in the aftermath of his decisions, Luffy never looks back. Marco knows he's going to be okay.)</p><p>"I love you, yoi."</p><p>His flames glow in the <em>Sunny's </em>deck for the first and last time.</p><hr/><p>"Thank you for taking me in during the last few weeks." Marco says over dinner. He'd felt awkward and unsure when he'd arrived, a feeling very foreign to him. He'd kept himself aloof and distant with the Straw Hat's as long as he's known them, easy to do when they mistook him for a regular bird. Now, as a man, a famous pirate who sees their captain romantically, he attracts the crew's undivided attention. Marco doesn't think the <em>Sunny </em>will have anything as scandalous as him aboard any time soon.</p><p>"I can't believe Mystery Bird is actually a famous pirate." Sanji says, looking him over as he sets the food on the table for dinner. Normally, he'd be concentrated in keeping Luffy's grabby hands in check but Marco has the hands busy, where Luffy has refused to let him go. "Or that you and Luffy... date."</p><p>"Oh my god, I knitted you a sweater!" Nami exclaims, burying her face in her hands in embarrassment. Marco means to tell there's nothing to worry about, he'd been quite fond of the swearter, had actually been upset when it ripped as he saved Law from Doflamingo.</p><p>"Ahhhh, that's right! You bastard, Nami's never knitted me anything!" Sanji cuts him off before he has the chance too.</p><p>"That's what you're concerned about?!" The navigator responds.</p><p>"It's a pleasure to meet you, Marco!" Carrot exclaims having only seen him once she'd arrived for lunch. She leans over the table in swift moves, biting his cheek. Marco's briefly stunned despite been mostly aware of Mink culture. (He cannot remember if <em>biting </em>is truly part of it.) "Garchu!"</p><p>"You two make my heart skip a beat!" Brook says from his side of the table, piling up food on his plate. "Though I have no heart! Yohohoho!" <em>Skull joke, </em>Marco thinks wryly. "Skull joke!" Brook says out loud.</p><p>Chopper is looking at Marco intently, smiling shyly. Marco remembers that he was the first person to pay Marco any mind, bring him books... it still makes his chest warm. Luffy's got a good crew.</p><p>"Mystery Bird." Marco wonders if the nickname will stuck now, it seems a little ridiculous, Marco's name isn't hard. (But last time he'd been around Trafalgar Law, the entire crew was referring to him as Traffy or Tora-guy and honestly, he's sure every single one of them can pronounce Trafalgar and if not they can certainly call him Law.) "You're a doctor right?"</p><p>Marco nods easily, because it's true. <em>Someone </em>had to learn how to patch up the group of wannabe pirates sailing under Edward Newgate, back when the name Whitebeard didn't yet exist.</p><p>"I am, yoi."</p><p>"Do you think... ehm, if you want to... I'd like to see your flames and how they work!" The last part comes out in one big rush of air. Chopper isn't the first person to ask, and Marco's studied them throughout the years himself, but he usually says no. But...</p><p>"Sure, yoi." It makes his chest a little tight but, Marco's going to be different, things are going to be different. He needs to try. "You're a very talented doctor, I'm sure you'll have interesting input."</p><p>Chopper cheers across the table and then goes serious.</p><p>"Don't think your compliments make me happy, fucker!" Marco stills, did he... say something wrong? But Chopper's wiggling in his seat in clear happiness and around him the Straw Hat's are laughing and Marco relaxes. He hadn't seen that particular shenanigan yet, so, Chopper doesn't know how to take compliments? <em>Cute.</em></p><p>Luffy's hand tightens around his own where they rest on Marco's lap. The older man had felt awkward at first. (No one has ever witnessed his relationship with Luffy, and there is no going around that subject after Luffy kissing him on deck.) Neither of them is big on PDA, but Marco guesses that he coming back alive is probably one of those cases where it's acceptable.</p><p>The last time he'd seen Luffy's vivre card before landing on the <em>Sunny, mere hours </em>away from the galleon, Marco was sure he was too late. The vivre card had been a meager bit of the sheet Marco had taken with him, and its flame flared and dance but never ever wavered. <em>Just what had been Luffy doing?</em></p><p>More importantly, there'd been one thought that had eaten up Marco alive.</p><p>
  <em>Was it his fault?</em>
</p><p>"I'm so glad you're back." Luffy's grinning stupidly after breakfast, as they're sitting on the swing. His crew has dispersed, with the understanding that Luffy and Marco need to talk -courtesy of Nami telling them so loudly at the end of the meal. She made sure to smack any and all complaints from the cremates who "wanted to hangout with Mystery Bird". <em>You'll have plenty of time to hangout, </em>the incredibly surreal part is that she's right. <em>There's time now.</em></p><p>Marco buries his face in the crook of Luffy's neck, smelling in the sea salt and the sun burn and the slight hint of blood. Luffy doesn't smell particularly good, but he smells like himself and it's recognizable enough to bring Marco comfort. Luffy grabs his head though, and brings it down, forcing Marco to follow his guiding movement lest his neck suffers. Eventually, Luffy leans against the mast, and Marco's head lays on his lap; both sprawled on the empty deck. He knows Chopper is nearby at the helm, but they have enough privacy for the following conversation.</p><p>(One more thing he'll have to thank Nami for.)</p><p>"I thought you were going to die." Luffy doesn't deny it, and the reality of the situation slams into him. Marco could've been there; Marco <em>should've</em> been there. Instead he'd been feeling sorry for himself in an abandoned ship on the other side of the sea. Luffy murmurs so softly, Marco needs to strain his hearing to understand his words. He's wearing his straw hat and looking up at the sky, enough that Marco can only see the underside of his chin. A hand moves to rest on his chest and one of Marco's own greets it, clutching it for dear life.</p><p>"I thought you were going to die, too." A little louder he continues. "I want to be the King of Pirates because I think he's the freest man in the sea." His grip tightens. "Marco also deserves his freedom."</p><p>"Freedom to die, yoi?" Marco ponders, thinking about Luffy's indomitable commitment to his values and ideas. (It's too much.)</p><p>"I don't <em>like</em> it!" He burst, and his movement accidentally knees Marco in the head, but he settles down quickly. "I hate it! But, but I <em>can't keep you </em>if you <em>don't want to be here."</em></p><p>"Even if it means I die." Luffy looks down at Marco, face solemn.</p><p>"People have to want to live for themselves."</p><p>"..." Marco reminds himself that Luffy's always been this wise, he just doesn't share his thoughts regularly. Marco's been present for several unravelings of logic that he hopes infects the world, society would be signficantly better if they could think like Monkey D. Luffy.</p><p>"I don't want you to die, Marco, I want you to <em>live." </em>Even now, with Marco stating he stays, he thinks there's a part of Luffy that's never going to forget that Marco has willingly walked away from him. "I want you to stay here on the <em>Sunny </em>with me. I want you to share everything that I have with you and be strong enough to protect you and I want you to know that there's <em>always, always something left. </em>Even when we can't see it." His eyes grow a little somber, and Marco knows he's going to talk about Ace. "When Ace died... I thought, <em>this is it."</em> The admission is surprising, and Marco's not sure it is real, but there's a little bit of shame creeping into Luffy's expression and its an expression Marco knows he himself has worn well. "Jinbei grabbed me by the shoulders and reminded me that there were still people counting on me."</p><p>"...Your crew." Which makes sense now then, that this is the place Luffy wants Marco to be at, when it's the place that healed Luffy himself.</p><p>"Shishishishi." Luffy laughs, and Marco thinks there's a tinge of something aching to embarrassment. "They're the best."</p><p>"I'm sorry." Marco murmurs, looking at Luffy's face and trying to memorize every single detail, he wants to be able to tell it apart in the dark.</p><p>"Don't be." Luffy tells him, features relaxed as he enjoys the sea. "Just... don't do it again."</p><p>"I can't promise not to be sad."</p><p>"Everyone's sad sometimes." He tells him, the <em>duh </em>is heavily implied. "I miss Ace all the time. Just, don't do anything dumb." <em>So, don't die, then.</em></p><p>Marco feels the weight of what he's asking. Marco's feeling energized and elated today, after countless days of worrying, Luffy's here and well and <em>alive </em>and Marco doesn't have one more thing for his consciousness to carry but that's <em>today. </em>Marco doesn't know what he's going to feel tomorrow or next week or next month, his grief is sown into him from years and years. Coming back here breathes hope into this relationship of theirs and it might be all for naught. (Marco needs to <em>try </em>anyways.)</p><p>"I already promised, yoi, didn't I?" He tells him, and curving his lips in a lazy smile is too easy. Luffy beams at him in answer and right then, it makes everything worth it.</p><p>"Good." The other man agrees.</p><p>"Luffy!" Nami yells scandalized as she comes up on them on deck. She's shocked and it immediately puts Marco and Luffy on guard. <em>Did something happen?</em></p><p>"Nami?" Luffy asks confused, perhaps a little disgruntled that Marco's left his lap.</p><p>"Luffy," she looks at him in absolute awe, "I'm sorry to interrupt but, you need to read the paper."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're coming up on the last round, we've got one more flashback + chapter, and then a brief epilogue.</p><p>Thanks for sticking through this story, you're awesome.</p><p>Also! I'm super excited for this, since I'm actually being active here and on AO3 and updating regularly, I'm kind of like rebrading? I'm keeping the Deedee and that's it hahaha. This account I made a long time ago and things like my profile or the name didn't resonate with me anymore.</p><p>Also, I've enjoyed connecting with all of you so much that I've expanded on my social media! You can now find me on <a href="https://deedee-writes.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/Slim_Deedee_">twitter</a>. I'll be posting snippets and teasers and receiving requests through there, I'll be reviewing fics I enjoy and I might show some of my original work if you're curious.<br/>Or just, you know, hit me up for a chat :)</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Emergencies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes Marco 8 days of flying to get to the <em>Moby Dick. </em>He could've been faster, but he's feeling so tired lately... Now that he's decide upon his death, Marco doesn't wish to drown. He needs to leave something behind or there's always the possibility of <em>going missing </em>and Marco cannot let his loved ones, or Luffy, to live on with useless hope. So, Marco doesn't allow to let his funk be bigger than him, and he pushes through at a surprisingly reasonable pace. With a clear end in sight, he has no hurry.</p><p>He notices Luffy's vivre card burning when he's already at the <em>Moby.</em> Marco waits for it to dwindle. He waits until dawn after failing to off himself the first day. He misses his shot on the second day. In the wee hours of that morning his wings stretch almost without his consent, <em>Marco has to go.</em> Luffy's in some kind of trouble and it doesn't seem to be letting up. His vivre card burns four consecutive day and Marco is thankful -not for the first time- that his bird form has no biological ability for tears.</p><p>When he sees Luffy in the <em>Sunny, </em>beat up, but vibrating in happiness, it hits Marco that this is how Luffy feels all the time. Never knowing if Marco will come back to him, if he'll be okay or if he can help him. This nausea, and impotency that has driven Marco into flying to his limit for days, that has curved his wish for death, is how Luffy must feel ever since Marco told him he wanted to die. Did he also mourned Marco in life? Pictured him cold and lifeless? Bloodied beyond repair? Did he already felt the gaping hole Marco would leave in the world, even if Marco is still here?</p><p>Marco hopes not, but there's such utter relief in the way Luffy kisses him. Briefly, and without any daring, because he cannot hope when it comes to Marco anymore. Luffy wants him to stay, but he doesn't think that Marco will and wishing more than anything that he can fix it. Marco cannot believe <em>he </em>is the thing Monkey D. Luffy is cautious about, it leaves a sour taste on his tongue.</p><p>There's only one way to correct that.</p><hr/><p>Law's there when Nami-ya calls and has a front row seat to the rest of the Straw Hat's finding out about Marco The Phoenix being Luffy's pet bird. (Like most Straw Hat related interactions, it's priceless.) The group of pirates are in the final debriefing before setting out on their respective responsibilities while undercover, all sporting various traditional garbs. Law feels surprisingly comfortable, which he hadn't been expecting. The communication from their parallel squad is unexpected, but not unwelcome.</p><p>The scene goes like this.</p><p>Law's sitting a little off to the side, shouldering Kikoku and mirroring Roronoa-ya who's napping in the other corner of the room when the snail rings. There's only the Straw Hats, Kin'emon and Law himself in the room, and the only snail who should be able to connect is the <em>Sunny Go's, </em>supposedly in case of an emergency. Nami-ya's voice is solemn as she greets them.</p><p>"We bring news." Law feels like crossing his fingers and begging the universe that Straw Hat hasn't done anything irrevocably stupid again, not now.</p><p>"Nami!" Longnose-ya yells. "Did you guys rescue, Sanji?"</p><p>"I'm here." Cook-ya's voice comes from the background. Immediately, all the Straw Hat's perk up, even the swordsman whose eyes had been close moments before. His grin is wolfish as he taunts the other man. Well, that's something, Big Mom didn't utterly crush them then</p><p>"Ohhh, you're back? Realized womanizer idiots aren't meant to be married?"</p><p>"Shut up you damn moss-head! Miss Pudding is lovely; any man will be lucky to marry her!"</p><p>"Just, not you, got it... Pervert cook."</p><p>"Why you...!"</p><p>"Sanji." Chopper's voice cuts through the bickering, the reindeer sounds uncharacteristically serious and somewhat bashful.</p><p>"...Right." The cook makes a pause. "Actually, there's something you need to know." Law leans in a little in interest, this motley crew is hardly ever serious about <em>anything. </em>It's a little unnerving, how focused they are all now, it makes Lew inexplicably curious.</p><p>"Everything okay?" Nico-ya questions.</p><p>"It's about Luffy." Nami-ya starts. "Ehh, how to say this, he, uh..."</p><p>"Captain Luffy has a boyfriend." Brook's voice rings through the snail, picking up where Nami hesitates. Law chokes, well he hadn't expected that turn.</p><p>"Wait, how do you know?" Longnose-ya asks puzzled. "Nami, you didn't..."</p><p>"He's here." Nami-ya interrupts. "Luffy's boyfriend," she clarifies, "he's here on the <em>Sunny."</em></p><p>"...Are you serious?" Both the sniper and Law, who'd seen the pirate captain the morning after the Phoenix's departure have their eyes wide in shock. Law doesn't know why though, clearly Straw Hat-ya is a man loved by the world. "He... he came <em>back?"</em></p><p>
  <em>Straw Hat-ya... just what type of freedom is he looking for?</em>
</p><p>They're <em>fucking dating?!</em></p><p>"What do you mean <em>back?" </em>Franky-ya inquires while Law buries his face in his hands in complete consternation. Marco The Phoenix, legendary pirate, <em>dates, </em>fuckin <em>dates Straw Hat? </em>What the fuck is wrong right now.</p><p>"Mystery Bird is Luffy's boyfriend!" Chopper-ya chirps excitedly through the line.</p><p>"Luffy's dating a bird?" The cyborg stares down the den-den mushi in bafflement. Roronoa-ya burst a laugh from the other side of the room.</p><p>"No, no! Mystery Bird, he's a person, a... a <em>man." </em>There's an odd inflection there that makes Law wonder, but it's gone to soon for it be properly examined as Sanji continues. "Apparently, they've been dating since before we met back up in Sabaondy."</p><p>"Mister Luffy <em>dates</em> someone?" Kin'emon repeats in surprise, trying to wrap his head around Luffy loving someone. More like someone dates <em>Luffy, </em>Law privately thinks.</p><p>"Marco The Phoenix." Law intones, enjoying the astonishment and trying to get a grip on his own shock.</p><p>"How can you be so calm?" Usopp demands, and Law hates how amused he feels, trust the Straw Hats to never fail and drag him into their pace.</p><p>"I knew." He shrugs, ignoring his own personal freak-out when <em>he'd</em> realized it. "The Phoenix kept me from bleeding out during our fight against Doflamingo." Which reminds Law that he has a debt to him, and that's annoying. He hopes he can get the bird out of trouble before the debt can be claimed any other way.</p><p>"Oh my." Nico-ya says in false surprise.</p><p>"You don't sound surprise at all." Law shoots back.</p><p>"I knew, too." She admits, laughing lightly. "I recognized the brand, though I wasn't sure at first. Phoenixes are birds made out of fire and well, Mystery Bird looked like a normal bird."</p><p>"He was <em>very much on fire when he got here." </em>Nami-ya mutters in annoyance.</p><p>"Was I the only one who had no idea about this?" Franky-ya asks looking around. "That's not manly at all!"</p><p>"I also had no forewarning as to the intricacies of this matter." The samurai comforts, which is unsurprising considering the wide berth the Phoenix had given the samurai guests from the start, besides, they'd barely coincided on the <em>Sunny </em>as it is.</p><p>"Wait, I didn't know who he was? Is he a pirate?" Longnose-ya asks looking at Law with suspicion, Law's about to answer him when the den-den mushi speaks.</p><p>"He used to be Whitebeard's first mate! Yohohoho! We were a little scared at first, but Mister Marco is a very pleasant man. He and Luffy are a very dashing couple." Law's brain tries to conjure an image of Straw Hat-ya in any kind of romantic or domestic setting and he keeps up coming up blank. Though, Luffy <em>is </em>made out of rubber... and Law is <em>never</em> following that train of thought again. Nope, nope, nope. Law remembers that this is the same guy who regularly falls into the ocean, picks his nose shamelessly in public, eats enough for a small army and probably shares IQ with an orange. Thankfully, the feeling goes away.</p><p>"Ugh, please don't... I don't want to imagine what they're getting up to." Sanji-ya cringes, Law feels for him, he does.</p><p>"What do you mean?" Nico-ya looks intrigued as she asks.</p><p>"They're locked in the cabin." Chopper-ya sounds mortified.</p><p>"Ah, to be young..."</p><p>"Since this morning." Nami-ya clarifies. Roronoa-ya laughs again.</p><p>"Zoro-bro, you knew?" Law can tell by the glint in Roronoa-ya's eye that it's a mistake to ask.</p><p>"Yeah," he nods, "I found them fucking out on deck once."</p><p>"HAHHHHHH?!"</p><p>Law laughs, he laughs because there's no other way to deal with this situation. H's still very confused about the history between Straw Hat-ya and the Phoenix, but if it's relevant he's sure it's going to come up, and he hopes the Phoenix has gotten out of whatever funk he's been in the past few months because their alliance needs all the powerful allies it can get.</p><p>"I think I liked Mystery Bird more when he was just a bird." Sanji-ya whines, but there doesn't seem to be any malice in his tone. "Now, I'm traumatized for life."</p><p>"Don't be a baby, love cook." Roronoa-ya dismisses, settling back to nap now that the main excitement is over. Law has the feeling he'd been bidding his time to mess with his crew mates.</p><p>"Luffy's always been so innocent." Chopper-ya mutters across the line.</p><p>"I don't know if you're the one who should be saying that." The sniper adds, and he looks happier than anyone. "And tell him I'm glad Myst- Marco is better."</p><p>"Usopp, you knew about this?"</p><p>"Ah, kind of. It's a bit of a long story." Longnose-ya says, rubbing the back of his neck.</p><p>"You know what happened?" Cook-ya asks.</p><p>"Luffy was jumping out of his skin when Mister Marco got here." Brook clarifies. "More enthusiastic than usual."</p><p>"I can imagine." The sniper answers. "It's, uh... well, there's a reason Mystery Bird has been a bird all this time. You should ask them if you want to know." He shrugs helplessly.</p><p>"Anyways, we just wanted you guys to be prepared for what's coming your way."</p><p>"You know this number was for emergencies, right?" Law tells the navigator, because while the Phoenix can prove a tactical advantage, he <em>knows </em>that's not why those idiots called.</p><p>"This was an emergency!" She defends. "You haven't seen them!"</p><p>"They're disgustingly adorable." Cook-ya chips in.</p><p>"I don't see it." Franky-ya states. Law doesn't see it either but then again, there are a lot of things about Straw Hat that Law didn't picture him doing, surviving Marineford and beating Doflamingo among them. With those standards, it's clear Straw Hat-ya is definitely the only person crazy enough to fall in love with someone and then save them from themselves. Law's going to have to enjoy the quiet days in Wano while he can. Things are going to get crazy with Luffy and his "mystery bird" on the way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's -technically- a wrap!</p><p>We're just missing the epilogue which is due tomorrow :) I'm very happy that I didn't miss any scheduled posting, guys, this story really came out everyday :) Most of it was written, but I did add 3 chapters and a bunch of scenes and actually got worried I wouldn't be able to meet my own deadline, but we're all good.</p><p>On other news, the upcoming J&amp;F chapter is in the works and so is MBD's. If you follow me on tumblr, yesterday there were a couple of snippets for House of the Lost that should be coming up soon. In case you don't know yet, I've created social media accounts, which is super exciting. I post teasers for my WIPS, fanfiction reviews, and some original work.</p><p>I'm on twitter and on tumblr, and if you'd like to I'd love to connect with you on there :)</p><p>See ya tomorrow!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luffy wrings his hands in discomfort, nervous. He's encouraged Marco to do this, and Luffy doesn't often second-guesses his choices because that's stupid but, he's still... He doesn't want Marco to go, but Marco has to, he reminds himself firmly. Marco also has Nakama, who are very worried for him and who are sad. Luffy knows what that's like. And Marco's nakama had been Ace's nakama and Luffy knows they deserve to know that Marco's okay just as much as Luffy does.</p><p>(He also knows just him isn't enough. Marco needs to see how important he is. If what Jinbei has told Luffy is true, Marco's nakama will not leave room for doubt.)</p><p>Still, Luffy doesn't like the feeling of... of... that thing where you live a moment twice, whatever it's called. There's something sad as he stands in front of Marco on deck. It... hadn't gone great the last time. It's different this time, he assures himself, Marco's coming back. Luffy looks up at Marco and thinks that he's going to miss him. That's how Luffy knows, really, because Luffy loves a lot of people but he never wants them to stay more than he wants them to live their lives. He's still going to let Marco go obviously, because Marco deserves to be freer than anyone but... Luffy wishes he didn't have to.</p><p>He looks at Marco's tattoo, which is one of the coolest things about him and smiles fondly, Ace had one, too. Old Man Whitebeard must've been a really awesome guy, if he had such great people on his crew. Marco's also just looking at Luffy, in that way that makes Luffy really hot and happy. He's always left a little surprised when he thinks about how handsome Marco is -he's really, really pretty. It makes Luffy feels like he's turning into such a girl -not that there's anything wrong with being a girl. Girl's can be really kickass and scary too, they are just really good at feelings.</p><p>"I'll be back." Marco says finally, as if he's drank as much of Luffy as he can bear before leaving. Luffy bites his lip, trying to not look as upset as he feels.</p><p>"I know." Maybe his voice is petty, but Luffy's trying.</p><p>"I'm terrified, yoi." Marco's eyes don't meet his as he shifts from one foot to the other. Luffy smiles</p><p>"They're your nakama Marco, they'll be super excited to see you." He's trying to convey everything that word means.</p><p>"You don't know them." Luffy's eyes soften, why is Marco so dumb sometimes?</p><p>"When Ace left after Teach... you told me no one blamed him, that you didn't." Luffy tells him. "It'll be the same now."</p><p>"I wish I could sound so sure."</p><p>"Shishishishi! It's cause you're being silly!" Luffy laughs a lot, but he always gets a little flop in his belly when it's with Marco. It's a little embarrassing, but Luffy wouldn't change a thing if he could. He hopes that he always feels just like this, and that Marco can always smile at him like that. (Okay, maybe with a little less exasperation.)</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>"They're the family Ace chose." Luffy answers Marco after laughing at him. Luffy, whose logic can be regularly attributed to a child's just called him silly... And Marco should probably agree, he sighs, still unable to shake out all the emotions rolling around inside him. "They must be good nakama." His reasoning is simple and flawless and really how can Marco not kiss him?</p><p>Maybe he gets a little lost in Luffy's lips, in the feeling of his body flushed against his own. Maybe he's trying to steal some of his will and warmth for the long journey ahead. Maybe it's just that now that Death isn't the constant entertainment for his thoughts, Marco's very much neglected relationship duties he's been recently reacquainted with. He will never get enough of Luffy, of his silliness, of waking up to him in the middle of the night demanding for sex, half as sleep but fully hard in a tantalizing display that betrays his innocent nature. Luffy's a little shit and Marco can literally not get enough of him, ever.</p><p>In fact, even now, in the middle on deck, surely they're a spectacle and yet, Marco cannot keep himself from considering just pushing Luffy down to the floor and having his way with him. Marco wishes either of them could take the aches of sex with them, feel the lingerings of sin even miles away. Alas, neither of their bodies shall allow such a thing.</p><p>"Is this the new normal?" Sanji asks no one in particular, breaking them apart. Marco's a little hazy, and Luffy's eyes are half-lidded as they look up at him. He's admittedly quicker at coming around than Marco is.</p><p>"Sorry." Marco mutters, but he's not really sorry at all, if anything he has to restrain himself from kissing Luffy again. He's thinking that he might not leave after all.</p><p>"I still can't believe Mystery Bird is Luffy's boyfriend!" Chopper says scandalized.</p><p>"You better be back soon, or we're going to have a few words, Mystery Bird!" Nami threatens, Marco suspects she's more aware of his story than he's comfortable with. Then she raises a snail in her hand. "I've got your picture now." Marco's completely unsurprised, and not particularly bothered.</p><p>"You're devious, Miss Nami! Do you think I could see your...?"</p><p>"Hell no!"</p><p>"Shishishishi!" Luffy laughs, and Marco wishes he could inscribe the sound into his memory. "You heard Nami."</p><p>"I'll meet you in Wano." He promises. "Though, maybe, with you picking a fight with Kaido, I should..."</p><p>"Marco." Luffy interrupts, already frowning and stubborn and reminding him too much of Ace and his a 100 days to kill Whitebeard and Marco, sadly, doesn't have a 100 days to convince this particular D. He sighs in resignation. "This is my adventure. You need to go and face yours. Your family's worried about you, but... we'll be waiting."</p><p>Marco kisses him one more time and makes to leave, but as his lips separate he has a thought.</p><p>"Hey Nami," Marco calls out, distracting the navigator from chewing out the musician, "think I could have one of those pictures?"</p><p>Marco ponders on the pictures on the journey, definitely the best 10 berries he's ever spent, though Marco's not over how ridiculous it is to pay for a photo of himself. Luffy's legs are stretched a little to reach Marco's mouth, head tilted the tiniest bit and eyes closed in a serene expression that he doesn't wear often. Marco, in turn, is bent slightly, one hand clutching on to Luffy's nape in a relaxed grip and the other to his spine. There's no space for air in between them, and the capture of the curve of Luffy's body against his own does things to him that he cannot put into words, delightful is too proper a word. Marco would've never thought of it when he saw Luffy fall down from the sky in the Paramount War, but the younger man is undeniably sexy.</p><p>The snapshot of the kiss is good, but it's the second photo Marco likes best.</p><p>It's right before they kiss. Luffy's laughing and scolding Marco and looking honest and as he wiggles his body in nervousness, but sets his brow in firm conviction. Marco looks smitten, he's sure he'll be teased for it no doubt, but he doesn't care. For all that he should maybe be perhaps a little embarrassed by the raw feeling in his face, all he can see is how eager he looks. To grab Luffy and never let go, to kiss him until he can't think straight, to live. (Marco thinks it's a great look.)</p><p>He can't wait to show his siblings.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so excited to wrap this up, I reread it one last time this morning and goddamn, it gave me the feels!</p><p>I know there were some reactions you guys wanted to see -specially WB pirates, and it kinda leaves that cliffy of Marco going to see his siblings, but more than a MaLu story, this was always about Marco's journey about his will to live and to try. (Now, grief and depression are wildly complex things and different for everyone, this is just my interpretation of them in the context of this particular character and his situation. Marco starts the story hiding and refusing to connect with anyone, and in the end, he connects with the straw hats, goes public with Luffy and decides to reconnect with his family. Full circle, guys.)</p><p>I want to thank so so so much to everyone who reviewed, this story was a wild (and sad) ride, and as usual it kept a downright marathon pace, thank you to everyone who caught up with it, your words are priceless to me!</p><p>Special shoutout to WhiteyWolf26 whose MaLu input is impeccable and so, so welcomed in my stories.</p><p>To the usual suspects: Lily Noir, Demon-night24, 12slytherin, yuzukikuran, kikyokyoyahibari, and youshouldn'tneedtoknow who've stuck with me through the last 13 days, thank you, thank you and thank you!</p><p>I have two more WIPs featuring MaLu, a marine!Luffy adventure-centered fic called 'Justice and Freedom' and a angst/hurt/comfort darkfic called 'House of the Lost' -which can only be found on AO3 ( DeedeeWrites) -in case you'd like to check those out.</p><p>Also, also, also in case you don't know, I'm now on <a href="https://twitter.com/Slim_Deedee_">twitter</a> and on <a href="https://deedee-writes.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a> , where I'm posting first looks, teasers, fic reccs and reviews and general fangirling. You'll also find random drabbles and plenty of MaLu/One Piece content that might not be generally serious/long enough to be here as a fic or over on AO3.</p><p>Anyways, thanks for eveything. I hope you liked it :)</p><p>xo,</p><p>Dee</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
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